All it takes is a little bit of fear

What is it you are afraid of?

What is it that stops you from achieving your goals?

Usually there are 3 main things that hold us back:

1 fear of failure

2 no time

3 lack of self-belief

Fear of failure – We all fail at things all the time. It’s how we learn. The challenge is when we thing we REALLY want something (or think that we do) there is that little voice in your head that says ‘what if you fuck it up?’ ‘what if people see you fail?’ ’what will people say/think?’

SO WHAT?? If you don’t make an attempt, you will never know. Maybe what you think you want isn’t for you and when you start working towards it you realise it’s not all it cracked up to be.

I always wanted to teach Body Pump, I went on the course, got out in front of classes to practice, sent in my DVD and failed (I struggle to hear the beat in the music and failed on that).

I tried again half-heartedly (and failed again). I knew I wasn’t very good and in actual fact what I had dreamed it to be the reality didn’t match.

I tried, I failed and moved on to do other things that I love and am gradually becoming more successful at.

No time – really?? You really have no time? How much of your day do you spend on social media? Watching TV? When you want something badly enough you make the time for it. Use a diary or online calendar, schedule your whole day from wake up to bed time and stick to it.

Get organised, use your time productively. Use your commute to work to learn, read, listen to podcasts, make lists, start your plan.

Take social media apps OFF your phone and use an app like Cold Turkey to block specific websites during specific hours of the day.

If you have nights out that write you off the next day, are they actually worth it? One thing I hated when I used to drink was how long it took me to recover, I hated that I lost a whole day feeling bad and sorry for myself and even the day after I wasn’t up to much. For me, my goals and dreams were more important than losing 2 days of my week to a night out that I couldn’t properly remember.

Lack of self-belief – We all have that, one thing I get my Warrior Women (http://freedomintraining.co.uk/warrior-woman-project/) to do is write one thing they are proud of every day. They have quickly built a list of things up that they now realise they do, when before they hadn’t even thought about what they did, they just did it and took for granted their skills.

You have to try things to work out where your strengths and weaknesses are. When you find your weakness, work out a way to use your strengths to improve that weakness. When we work on the weaknesses we strengthen everything, when we only work on our strengths we get stuck.

There will be many times that we doubt ourselves, we need to remember all those times before when we doubted and succeeded – that’s why keeping a journal of things you are proud of is so useful. All those little things make big things.

It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it (and reading Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway will give you a wee boost too)

Jen x

You have to fail to succeed

I have been reading about power training recently and that got me thinking about athletes and how driven they are to win, to be the best, they are chasing their dreams.

It made me think about a blog I posted a while ago about goal setting, your plan and contingency plan for success. You can read it here > http://freedomintraining.co.uk/uncategorized/goal-plan-contingency-success-2

There will have been people along the way that tell athletes to give up their dream, get a real job, that they won’t amount to anything – read some of the autobiographies and you will see that repeatedly.

But something stops them from listening to the negativity. Something inside pushes them on, and drives them to competition.

Many fail, but they get up and go again, they don’t give up the fight – Michael Jordan is famously quoted ‘I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.’

Set your goal, make a plan, have a contingency plan, keep trying and you will get your success.

When things go wrong, pick yourself up and try again a different way and keep doing that until you find the way that works for you.

How often do you get back up and try again?

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Have a good day, and get back on the plan even if there is a side step.

Jen x

 

 

 

Who actually cares?

So did you do go on a solo date yet?

How did it make you feel?

If not, why not?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

Worrying about what other people think holds us back from what we want to do.

How do you know what it is they are actually thinking?

Unless they actually tell you, then you are just making that shit up in your head. And the crap you dream up is WAY off mark (true story).

Pretty much guaranteed they are thinking about themselves, what they are having for dinner or cake (unless it’s a dude then they will be thinking about sex).

I used to do everything on a whim, not think about what anyone else thought, or even worry about the outcome.  If you don’t try how will you know? That took me to living in Greece, Spain, Australia, I even got married not questioning it one bit (best way if I am honest, if there is doubt chances are its not the right one – do take proper further advice on this though, I do not want to be responsible for hearts being wrongly broken all over the place).

Life was so much easier and way more interesting. My head was calm, unquestioning, innocent you could even say. Why would it not work? Why would I stay in this place when it might be better over there?

You make a few mistakes, get burned a couple of times, heartbroken and all of a sudden you overthink everything.  Question your judgement and decisions. You get scared. You start to worry ‘what if’ and then stop doing things. What if I don’t want to stay in the next country I try? What if I don’t ask the right questions? What if I get a broken heart again?

Blah, blah, blah. Recently I have been seeking out how to relax my thoughts a bit. 3 firewalks, many NLP sessions, meditation, exercise, yoga and I am in a much better place than I was 4 years ago. I am currently working my way around different meditation centres trying to find the one that is good for me. I have defo noticed a difference.

(Tip, there is a TED talk online that talks about how physiology has a massive effect on your stress and confidence hormones, standing in the Wonder Woman pose for 2 minutes a day will have a physiological change on your confidence. One of my Warrior Women has been trying it and she is blown away and slightly terrified at how effective it has been. Feet shoulder width apart, hands on hips (like wonder woman) and breathe for 2 minutes) I need to add this in to my life.

I have started to take more chances, I am engaging with more people, putting myself in to (safe) situations that I would normally shy away from, I am open to more ideas and trying new things. As of 17th Jan 2015 when I am writing this, I am on 10 day of 1 new thing each day and I am LOVING it. Don’t get me wrong some of these things are pretty small – driving my new car in the snow, telling my mum I was getting a new tattoo before I actually got it (that was quite big actually) to big things like going along to a singles social event all by myself.

I have stopped worrying about what people think as much as I used to. I do remember the first time I went to the cinema by myself, I was worried about what other people would think. The worst thing about it was wanting to make a comment about something in the film and realising there was no one to actually say it to. I now prefer to go alone so I don’t talk.

Even if someone was being critical or judging you… Does it really matter? It’s one person’s opinion.

How would things change for you if you didn’t even consider what other people were thinking about? How free would you feel now worrying about what other people think? How much more would you do and say? I do sometimes say something then think after, ‘really, did I just say that?’

What would it take for you to stop considering what other people might be thinking and just go ahead and do what you want?

Give it a go, just even for a couple of hours, you never know, you might like it.

Ready, steady, GO

Ready… Steady… GO!

How do you know when you are ready? What is it you are going to be ready for?

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” Dr House (Hugh Laurie)

Why do you need to be ready? Will you ever be ready?

Or are you using it as an excuse to stall because you are afraid?

What is it you are afraid of? The unknown? Change? Being happy? It not working out? Failing? Moving on? Life being better?

Someone once told me, that to be successful you need to be in a risk taking mind-set.

You need to be prepared to make something different to get a positive change.

How will you know if you don’t try?

If you keep doing everything the same, you are going to get the same results. Makes sense really…

But if you are not loving it, and just going through the motions of life, then you are missing out BIG time.

Taking risks is hard, and things don’t always turn out how you planned or hoped, but a change does happen. Things don’t stay the same.

If you wait till tomorrow, is that going to be better? Not really. All you have done is delay everything by 24hrs.

What if tomorrow comes and you have missed the opportunity?

If you wait till tomorrow that is 1 less day to hit your goal meaning you will have to work that bit harder to catch up.

I read a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, some of it was a bit too out there even for me, but the concept of not living in the past or living in the future but living in the present moment makes sense.

From the past we learn lessons. We learn what not to eat because it makes us feel shitty and put on weight. We learn some people are just dicks and there is nothing we can do about that but move on.

For the future all we can do is prepare for it, we take the lessons from the past, let go of the pain, take risks to make us happy now which will set us up for the future.

You have your goal – lets say its weight loss. Eating shit food and sitting on your arse thinking about it in the now is not going to prepare you for success in the future.

In the now you need to make choices, eat for your health, move more, do fun stuff so that a side effect of that will be a healthy weight and a happier life.

What do you need to do RIGHT NOW to make your life better?

Now is as good a time as any…

Ready…. Steady… GO!

Jen x

 

 

 

New Year, New You bollocks

With all the new year, new you bollocks that’s filling your timeline, its always refreshing to hear some truths.

Without a plan, you are not going to change.

Without knowing what it is you actually want and why you want it, you are not going to change.

If you made the same resolutions last year, chances are you are not going to change.

If you only set goals from 01 Jan, chances are you are not going to change.

Sorry to tell you, but these are facts. At a minimum, you should be setting and assessing your goals every month (if not every single day – yes, you read that correctly, every single day).

With that in mind I thought I would re-post a recent blog which is something that I teach my Warrior Women in the Warrior Woman Project (http://freedomintraining.co.uk/warrior-woman-project/)

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Oscar Wilde ‘success is a science, if you have the conditions you will get the results’

To be successful you need to create the right conditions to make the results happen.

In previous emails I have suggested that you set some goals.

How is that going for you?

Have you worked out your plan?

Have you figured out what and who you need to help you achieve your results?

Have you started to make the changes to get you to where you need to be?

It is up to you to set your conditions in place to allow everything to come together.

You need to put yourself in to the right mind-set. Focus on the outcome.

You pack your gym stuff, prepare your food, set the alarm early.

One part of the plan falls out of place and the rest of the plan goes out the window.

For example, my flatmate:

Packed her gym stuff, set the alarm, prepared all her food.

Alarm went off, decided she was cosy in bed, wouldn’t get up and go to work at the end of the day.

She got up later, then when getting ready for work she realised that she was getting her hair done after so she ditched her whole healthy eating plan for the day. Roll & sausage & potato scone, Victoria sponge, chocolate…

(She did tell me about this to out her in my emails, I am not being nasty)

Just because she didn’t go to the gym there was no real reason to ditch the rest of her plans for the day.

How often do you let that happen to you?

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Have a good day, and get back on the plan even if there is a side step.

Jen x

 

 

 

Love yourself… RANT

You say you want to look better so that you will feel better about yourself, so that you will feel more confident, happier.

You say you want to find love but it seems you don’t even love yourself…

How much are you prioritising yourself?

Do you eat for health?

Do you exercise or do activities that keep you healthy?

Do you have hobbies, interests that entertain you?

Are you learning new things everyday to develop yourself in to an even more amazing person?

If the honest answer to any of these questions is no (and that includes answers of hesitation, sometimes or not really) then you need to get a grip.

We comes back to that term ‘self-sabotage’.

The only person preventing you from being happy is you.

There might be people around you questioning you, doubting your abilities. My question to you would be, why they hell are they still around?

If you don’t love and respect yourself then why would anyone else? You do not need someone to ‘save’ you or entertain you.

The people around you – friends, family, partners should be there to compliment your life not complete it.

Think of people you have moved on from…

How did those relationships start out? What happened? Why did you end up moving away from it?

This is not just boyfriends / husbands / partners, this is friendships too. There was a reason they started and a reason they ended (not always a fall out, sometimes just drifting apart, moving on, a change of chapter in your life).

It’s time for to fall in love with yourself.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to be better and want better.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with…

Make that average BIG, make it AMAZING. Make it that other people want you to be part of their 5.

It’s time to stop bullshitting yourself.

It’s time to take control and make you a priority.

Write a list of the 5 things you are least happy with.

Then write a list of the 5 things you are most happy with.

Using the 5 things you are most happy with, how can you use them to your advantage to change the things you are least happy with?

Write it down.

Make a plan.

Start working on it.

I want to know how you are getting on… So, do it today and let me know.

Jen x

There were nearly tears…

My personal trainer was off on his holidays last week so I had been left homework to do… Which I did (a couple of times).

Yesterday we were testing to see how things are progressing.

Frustrated and angry are how I get when things don’t work like they should. And that is not just with the exercises that’s just overall.

I was pretty close to tears for the whole session…

It was the first time I had done weighted squats in about 7 months.

‘Hold at the bottom for a count of 3’ he said…

‘ok next one go deeper and hold’

I decked it.

My head said ‘nah this is too hard’ and everything switched off.

Get up, go again (this man has no time for my shit).

Next 4 were better. Still not great but better.

I have more homework to do.

If that had been me, in the gym on my own I would have either not squatted deep enough or chucked it after decking it.

Either way I would not get stronger, I would continue to have my reoccurring injuries.

Working on your weaknesses is HARD. I know. Admitting there are weaknesses is hard (if you are getting injuries there will come a point where you need to do something about it or give up).

I go to someone else for help with my fitness.

I go to someone else for help with my head.

I go to someone else for help with my nutrition.

Do I know how to do all of these things on my own? YES, I do and I help many people on a daily basis achieve their goals, clear their heads and get their nutrition sorted.

Why do I go to someone else?

I need that external person to hold me accountable. I need someone who is more experienced and has different knowledge from me. That is how I learn. That is how I succeed. I understand the value of what I offer.

You can read all the books and magazines, listen to podcasts, watch motivational clips on YouTube but if you don’t take action all you are doing is reading the manual.

Who holds you accountable? Who pulls you up when you are telling yourself those wee lies to make yourself feel better? (Remember yesterday’s email?)

There is no shortcut to your destination. There is no magic pill or wand that will make it all go away or be better.

The only thing that will make it happen is you.

You should have set goals by now… If not why the hell not?

Looking at your goals, what is it you will get out of achieving them? Now I am talking emotionally here. Not that you will get to fit in to that size 12 dress you bought 3 years ago promising you would get in to it back then.

How will you feel inside achieving your goal? Happy? Confident? Give you self-belief? Proud?

Once you know WHY it is you want that goal it will make it so much easier to push forward.

For me to be injury free will give me more confidence when I am working with the Master Trainers of the Indoor Cycling Group. I know my weaknesses are holding my back from being REALLY good.

What is your WHY?

Let me know.

Jen x

 

Internet Dating

Internet dating…

One of my friends (not my flat mate this time, she is getting a break today) is on some online dating app…

Now, I personally have never used any online facility to meet boys. There is something that doesn’t sit right about it (for me).

The thing I don’t get, a boy sends a message, he arranges a date, he sends a message to reschedule the date (some crap about having to work late), he then postpones the date AGAIN this time without arranging something definite.

I have issues with this.

  1. He has made no verbal contact
  2. He has postponed an initial meeting more than once

My advice is to tell him to jog on… You only get to reschedule once (as long as someone has died).

Since when is it acceptable to be put off and put off?

If someone genuinely wants to meet you, they need to make an effort. Even if it is for 30mins coffee just to say hi and meet you in person. That is much better than ‘I will be in touch when I have nothing better to do with my time’

Ladies (and gents), you need to raise your standards.

Since when is it OK to accept being second best or an after-thought?

Have confidence in yourself that you are worth the effort.

When you do go on the date, don’t be nervous about what the other person thinks of you. Fuck that, you are checking out if they are good enough for you.

Things you want to check – Are you looking for something that is real life? When I say that, I mean you are not searching for a character from a book, movie or TV – they do not exist.

People have flaws and are not perfect. What you need to consider is do their imperfections make you feel like shit? If yes, move on.

This is not just about romantic encounters (I have little to no experience in this area being single for nearly 4 years, not been on a date since 2002) it’s about all your relationships, friends and family too.

Your friends, a quick call to check in on each other, swing past their house on the way home from work, let them know you care.

In business, people who put off or let you down you would stop doing business with them, you would not be a return customer.

People should feel lucky to have you as part of their life not you feel lucky to be part of theirs.

If they don’t bring anything to your life, then really what is the point?

Set your standards high, and know you are worth it. At the same time don’t use your standards as a shield to protect you from everyone. You need to learn to be vulnerable too (more on that soon).

Jen x

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Its not them, its you…

So yesterday I told you about the course I was at with all the master trainers from Europe…

What an amazing day of learning we had.

The best bit was no matter what any of the other trainers experience or background was they were there to learn from each other, share ideas and help each other.

Even though they work hundreds of miles apart from each other they are a team and you can feel that just being in their presence.

I mentioned on about feeling a bit overwhelmed and out of my depth going in to this situation.

Not only are some of these guys elite athletes but highly educated – One of them has a Phd in Exercise Physiology and is a lecturer at the University of Madrid…

I was in amongst some very clever and very experienced people.

The only person who doubted my ability was me.

The only person judging me was me.

Within seconds of meeting this group of people I knew I had nothing to worry about. They were all open and friendly even though for quite a few there was a serious language barrier.

We are often very quick to assume or make up in our heads what other people are thinking about us or a situation.

And more often than not we are wrong.

One of the first things I learned when I started working with my coach was to accept responsibility for my thoughts. It’s not them, it’s you.

It is you that is interpreting someone’s words or actions.

It is you that is reacting to it instead of responding.

You have no idea how powerful that tiny switch is.

That is something that I teach on my coaching clients in Find My Freedom.

I help my clients understand the language they use and how small re phrasing can make the biggest of differences in how they think and how they respond to others.

How many times have you blown up at someone in an instant reaction wishing minutes later you had just thought for a second or two more and responded in a much better way?

It’s not about learning to bite your tongue, because things need to be said. How you say them makes all the difference.

How you feel about yourself. Having the confidence and self-belief to open your mouth and stand up for yourself without coming across aggressive or defensive.

I have a meeting with my coach this morning. I love sitting down and talking (sometimes at him) for about 20 mins until I get everything off my chest. Then I can breathe.  We work on business and personal ‘stuff’.

Without a coach I would not be where I am today. I would not have gone back to uni and graduated yesterday. I would probably be in a shit job, feeling sorry for myself wishing that I had been brave enough to try and start a business on my own doing something I love and am 100% passionate about.

My top tips:

Do your workout at least every other day

Work on your values

Work on breaking your self-sabotage habits.

And have a good weekend.

Jen x

 

 

 

 

It is not the strongest of the species that survives

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. (Charles Darwin)

I speak a lot about setting goals, making plans, creating opportunities to make your life better.

How is that all going for you?

Have you sat and agreed with things I have said, thought, ‘yeah I must set some goals and create a plan’ but haven’t gotten round to it yet?

As humans we are conditioned to be happy with familiarity. Knowing what is going to happen, unpredictable is where most of us are content to settle.

How do you cope when things change?

I was having a moan early in the summer to my flatmate about the Commonwealth Games coming to Glasgow and about how it was going to be a pain in the arse with roads through the city being closed.

The thing that bothered me most is its going to be different, I was going to have to find different ways to get to my classes and I couldn’t predict how that is going to happen.

For 2 weeks the city was going to be unpredictable & busy.

Flipping the negative way of thinking, it’s going to be exciting… the city is going to be unpredictable and busy.

Turned out that the roads were quiet and there were no traffic problems at all, the city centre was buzzing with atmosphere and a great place to hang out for the 2 weeks… It’s mid-November now and I still miss it.

How often do you hear that there is going to be a change and the first thing you think is negative?

‘that’s not going to work’ ‘people won’t like that’

I was working in one of the colleges as they were going through a merger, it was a very negative environment to be in. At the end of the day the changes were happening, there was nothing any amount of hissy fitting or moaning would make a difference.

As Darwin says, adapting to change is how we survive.

Being more positive about the change will make your life less stressful.

Being less stressed will make you happier, help you make better choices, help you sleep better and keep your skin looking fresher and younger.

Embrace the change.

If you are making change for yourself, it will be to make your life better. If the change is out of your control, control what you can, and that is you and only you.

Have a good weekend

Jen x