Is It Love?

We are our own biggest critics.

How many times a day do you give yourself in to trouble, or put yourself down and say something nasty that you wouldn’t say to anyone else?

We all do it. We are so mean to ourselves it’s not funny.

I would like to think that if you have been reading my emails for a while now or have signed up for the Warrior Woman Project that you are much more aware of your words and how you speak to yourself, but, I do know that you will sometimes slip up and give yourself a hard time. Remember, if you had a ‘friend’ that spoke to you like you speak to you, you would not spend time with them.

We can’t get away from ourselves, we are there in our heads 24/7. Today, day 22 you need to say ‘I love you’.

TO YOURSELF.

Say it over and over and over. Say it until you believe it.

If you don’t love you, then you are going to struggle to have people in your life that love you the way you should be loved.

Self-care is about self-love, you treating you like you are the queen of your own empire (which you are).

I have an awesome t-shirt that says ‘fall in love with someone who treats you like Kanye treats Kanye’.

Kanye West is the king of making himself number 1 in his world. And look at how successful he is. Some would say he is arrogant and puts himself first.

I don’t know him personally, but he may come across that way to some people. But, people that know how to put themselves first are able to give the best of themselves to those around them. They are happiest within themselves and the world they have created for them. It’s not about being arrogant, it’s about putting your wants and needs first.

Telling yourself ‘I love you’ and believing it, is your first step in respecting yourself and allowing you to prioritise your needs and wants and making you happy.

‘I love you’

Jen x

PS If you know anyone who would benefit from these emails please forward this email or send them to www.freedomintraining.co.uk to sign up

Day 1 – Self-love letter, Day 2 – Meditate, Day 3 – Create a ritual, Day 4 – Take a bath, Day 5 – Eat mindfully,

Day 6 – Go barefoot, Day 7 – Tech-tox, Day 8 Delegate, Day 9 Write your fears, Day 10 schedule your day,

Day 11 Gaze at the stars, Day 12 Start Journaling, Day 13 de-clutter, Day 14 Buy yourself blooms, Day 15 Write your dreams,

Day 16 Pamper yourself, Day 17 Create boundaries, Day 18 eat clean, Day 19 watch the sunrise

Day 20 get in to nature, Day 21 go somewhere new.

 

Start Inside

Do you struggle constantly trying to improve your external appearance to make you feel better inside?

 

Constant diets, over exercising, new hairstyles, new hair colours, always buying clothes, shoes, bags, getting your teeth whitened, botox, plastic surgery…

 

So many of us want to try and change the external appearance without loving what is inside first.

 

You have to love yourself internally to love yourself externally. When you love yourself inside then you will only do the things that make you happy and feel good inside and that will make you look good on the outside.

 

When I feel shit about myself I generally eat crappy choices that just make me feel worse, but when I don’t give in to that and eat good food when I feel down I start to feel better.

 

You will eat the right foods to make you feel good, you will do things that make you feel good and not be a punishment (like exercise) you will take time to calm your mind and make room for you and you will smile more and everyone knows that a smile makes you instantly more beautiful.

 

Maybe you have made yourself really busy with life, working too hard for other people, you might get lost looking after for everyone else feeding them, making them feel loved, making them happy… what about you?

 

What are you doing to make you feel loved?

 

Doing things for others is part of who we are but when we prioritise them over ourselves it has a negative effect…

 

Let’s start to make a list of the things we love about ourselves from the inside…

 

Minimum 5 now and add another 5 minimum by the end of the day… If you have more than that then keep going.

 

Time for some self lovin’

 

Jen x

 

PS If you know someone who would benefit from these emails please send them to www.freedomintraining.co.uk to sign up for the emails

 

Time is ticking

Don’t wait for the holidays

It is great to have things to look forward to, holidays, nights out, time with family or friends.

How often do you sit at work thinking it’s nearly the weekend / long weekend / weeks holiday?

What about the rest of the time?

What are you doing while you are waiting?

What stops you from doing more exciting or interesting things every day?

Sometimes you have to do shit boring things, that’s life, very few people enjoy housework and those that do should make it their career.

What if you started to change the way you looked at the boring things and see them as something that gets you to the next point. I do housework so I have a clean house to sit in and clean clothes to wear every day. I sit at my computer for hours a couple of days a week so that I can get my message out to you guys.

Changing the way you think about your day helps you get through it better. If changing your thoughts doesn’t help then there are other things to consider…

Do you find that you are exhausted by the end of your working day? Have you considered looking at your nutrition? Are you eating enough? Are you eating the right kinds of foods to nourish your body? Soul food is called soul food because it makes you feel good inside.

Have you considered shortening your working day (if at all possible) I know that so many of us work all day from 7am (or earlier) till 9pm (or later) and don’t always if at all take a lunch break. Is that you? Do you need to start looking at how to restructure your day? Do you need to be stricter with your time and not let other people take over your life and schedule?

Make the most of what you have. Enjoy it, be happy, if you hate it don’t do it. Live for each day, each moment.

Find a job you love, fill your life with people you love, do things that make you happy.

Don’t waste a minute. Life is too short not to live and love it. No regrets, no wishing you had made more time for your family and friends. No one ever got to their death bed and said they were glad they stayed in the office that extra hour… Just saying…

Jen x

 

Do you live for the weekend?

Do you live for the weekend?

All through Facebook, Instagram & Twitter you see posts TGIF, can’t wait for the weekend, this has been such a long week, counting down the days.

Then on Sunday, it’s all, oh no its Monday tomorrow already, back to work tomorrow with sad faces.

I used to be one of those people, at the start of the year planning my holidays in for the year, spaced out to perfection to maximise the bank holiday weekends. Then the countdown was on.

I used to have a Monday to Saturday 9 – 530 office type job that I quickly grew to feel suffocated in.

Actually I had a few, there were times that I loved but I quickly got bored and I could never understand why, if I had finished all my work did I still need to sit there and fill time just to work the contracted hours. I worked in the travel industry for about 15 years, in travel agents, selling foreign currency, doing admin, and in a call centre doing customer services for airlines.

I did get to live abroad for a couple of years in my travel career which was amazing and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but I was still in an office, still working to hours that someone else dictated to me.

I also got to learn a lot about places in the world that made me want to go and visit them (which I did), I have always been a gypsy at heart, and don’t like to feel trapped or stuck.

In 2002 I went to live in Greece, I finally came back to the UK for good in l 2009. I had travelled around Europe, South East Asia, China, Mongolia, Russia, and lived in Australia for 3 years too.

When I decided to come home I decided it was time to have a career change. The thought of being cooped up in an office again made me want to cry.

I had fallen in love with the gym, doing exercise and being fit and healthy, it made me feel free and inspired and it was all I wanted to know about. Day and night I was reading and learning about health and fitness.

I went back to college as a mature student and had to work pretty much full time hours around that while I retrained. I was 6am to 10pm Monday to Friday, worked Saturday mornings too then Saturday afternoons and Sundays doing my studying.

My days were like that until May 2014.

When you want something badly enough you make the sacrifices you need to get you where you want to be.

Now I have more time to myself I actually don’t feel like I ever do any actual work, everything I do I love, whether its writing these emails or my blog posts, training clients, teaching classes, learning, talking, I just never feel that dread of having to get up.

I LOVE what I do. When I talk to people about what I am doing or what I am learning I can feel the smile on my face. I get excited about what I am talking about.

I can hear myself being a total geek and I am so happy when I can tell people things that will help them improve, whether it’s about confidence, getting a plan to achieving their goals, eating better, performing better in class or changing their body shape.

I believe that we are all here to do what makes us happy. How happy are you with where you are in your life? Do you get to do what you love every day?

If you are one of those people living for their holidays and the weekend, have a think about these questions.

What is it that you love to do?

What is it that you can talk about for hours and hours and never get bored of?

Do you get to fill your days doing that?

Are you counting the days till your next holiday or the end of your shift?

If you could do anything at all, all day, every day what would it be?

Is there a way you can start getting more of that in your life?

If you knew that you would be happy 99% of the mornings you were getting up for work, would you take a risk and make the change?

What can you do today to put more (even if it’s only for a really short time) happiness in your day?

The thing you need to understand about  the Law of Attraction and The Secret purely is that yes, you need to put it out there what it is you want, but you also need to take some action. You need to create your own miracles.

You need the thoughts, then, you need to take action. I don’t believe for one second that Oprah just sits in her living room thinking about what she wants. She is an action taker. She has pushed her whole career for amazing things.

Oprah is a big believer in Law of Attraction and The Secret and believes in her ‘God’ whoever he is to her.

If you need to believe in something external to help push you forward, then that is what you do. Whatever your external belief is will help you.

Believe in it, work hard, take risks, find your passion and take the leap of faith.

Life is too short to be living life waiting for the weekend / holidays / to retire so you can do what you love to do.

Do it now.

Jen x

 

I hate you so much right now

I hate you so much right now…

I hate you, you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re useless, you’re not worth it, you don’t deserve good things, you’re a failure… There are a lot of nasty things that we tell ourselves and all too often. Let’s face it, telling yourself it once is one time too often. That nasty bitch that lives in our heads is our own worst critic that never gives us a break.

Each time you tell yourself one of these lies, you look for verification that it is true, what you look for you find.

If you think you are fat, you weigh yourself, compare yourself to someone else who is smaller than you, try on an outfit that you know doesn’t fit you.

If you think you are ugly, you only see and hear the people who you think reject you, you forget about all the friends and family you have that love you and see your beauty.

You go out of your way to prove to yourself that you are no good.

If your friend spoke to you like that, how long would you let them hang around? Even the meanest of people would think twice about saying these things out loud. If someone spoke like that to me, chances are they wouldn’t have their own teeth for long (not that I condone violence, but you wouldn’t stand there and take it).

What do you do to shut her up?

This can be tough to do especially if you have done a good job of convincing yourself that you are a worthless, ugly piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to be happy.

The good news is though if you can convince yourself that much that you are crap, you will have the same power within you to turn that round.

It’s your choice what you think and how you feel about yourself.

First thing I want you to do is get out of your own head, look at yourself as though you are actually standing outside your own body looking at you as a stranger. What do the people who love you think of you? What is it the love about you? What are your positive traits that you have on your CV? Why do your friends want to hang out with you?

Find 5 things that you love about yourself (these can be physical or personality) do this first thing in the morning.

Once you have that 5, keep the list where you can see it.

Then, at the end of your day add at least another 5 to that list.

Tomorrow and the next day and for the rest of the week, repeat, repeat, repeat… find as many things as you can and create a huge list so big that when the nasty thoughts come in to your head you have that list ready.

Believe in yourself

Jen x

Perfectly Imperfect

You are perfect.

Everyone is.

Perfectly imperfect.

We all have those things that we see in ourselves that we hate (I will fill you in on some of mine in a minute), but if someone else was to look at you it is probably not something they notice.

It’s time to embrace your imperfections and make them your own.

How free would you feel if you weren’t judging yourself and thinking negatively about you?

Now I am not saying ditch healthy eating and exercise plans and embrace what you are not happy about. But forgive yourself when you make mistakes, its ok to be perfectly imperfect.  I had a couple of croissants, some biscuits, cake and not enough veggies in the last couple of days. My tummy is bloated and skin has broken out with dry and sore eczema patches because of it. I know why my skin broke out and I know how to fix it (eat better and drink more water), but I enjoyed those treats when I had them and understood what the consequences of eating them would be – I don’t hate myself, I just wonder did I really need as much as I ate or was I just being greedy?!

Mistakes, faults, imperfections are what makes us strong and will continue to make us even stronger. I know the next time I want to have a ‘treat’ not to eat as much and I won’t have as bad a breakout. I will have a stronger reason of Why I want to eat right for my body (my face bloody hurts and the dry skin round my eyes makes me look old!).

Why is it that we feel we need to put up a front, wear a mask, hide our imperfections? We pretend to be someone we are not.  We hide who we really are and put on a show of perfection, mistake free and invincible.

This show of perfection is put on for everyone, friends, family, workmates, people in the street, ourselves.

Thing is, that’s not real, we are being fake to everyone including ourselves. We are letting ourselves down by not being true to what is really going on inside. We know it inside, and you would be surprised how many people around you know that it is an act that you are putting on too. Very few people are that good at acting, and if you are you should be getting paid the big money for it.

‘True beauty comes from being honest and authentic’ – Heidi Powell.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy to do. For most of us, there will be the genuine you who is professional and the genuine you for your personal life. I have my professional head on most of the time. It’s safe there, I am genuinely happy when I am doing my job but I sometimes forget to switch that version of me off. It’s scary to think you are going to show a vulnerable side (you don’t need to reveal everything to everyone) but be honest with yourself first.

It is a feeling of total freedom when you are just genuine and drop the act. I am lucky to have a couple of friends who know me well enough that they see straight through my wall and I don’t pretend with at all. There is no need, there is 100% trust there.

So to share with you some of my imperfections:

  1. I am a perfectionist (which I am working on).
  2. When I smile my eyes disappear in to wee slits.
  3. When I get professional photo’s taken I go all Chandler Bing, Juliebee spends more time telling me to lose the fear face than she does telling me to smile.
  4. I have food issues.
  5. So many times I want to cheat at my workouts because it hurts.
  6. I am a control freak (which is something else I am working on too lol).
  7. I am scared of failing (even though I have failed at many, many things and survived and I am wiser for it).
  8. Even when I straighten my hair I wake up looking like I have been dragged through a bush.
  9. I have fell down the stairs twice last year and my elbow is not right, I can’t lean on it and I didn’t go to the hospital to get it checked out.

So how do we get past this fear of people seeing our imperfections?

We need to stop being so serious, learn to laugh at ourselves, not be embarrassed or scared and ask for help (or seek medical attention when you have injured yourself).

Trust in yourself, love your imperfections, and understand the lessons from your mistakes and how they have made you stronger. Don’t worry what other people think, as I told one of my clients recently fuck them! It’s no one’s business but yours.

The people who matter in your life will not be bothered about your imperfections, they will love you more for them. If they are bothered then they should have no space in your life, don’t waste time with them.

So what to do with this information?

Make a list of your imperfections, admit them to yourself, understand them then start to show them.

You don’t need to show all to everyone. That would be too much for anyone. But start to let the walls down. Choose wisely who you let in, you still need to protect yourself from people who can unnecessarily hurt you.

I would love to hear what your imperfections are.

Jen x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do more for you

I was reading a blog a while back that was talking about bringing up kids and about things the author believes we should never say to kids when you are bringing them up or coaching them, teaching them or being around them and influencing them.

His list was this:

  1. No
  2. Don’t Run (or Don’t Cry)
  3. Clean Your Plate
  4. Be Good At Everything
  5. You Get What You Get

 

Now my first thought was, OK… but what about yourself? How often do you say these things to yourself? How much do they hold you back? How do they make you feel about yourself? How much pressure do you put on yourself?

We need to stop being mean to ourselves (and the kids of course) and start giving ourselves a break.

 

The article then went on to talk about the things you should be saying to kids on a regular basis:

 

  1. Yes
  2. Have Fun
  3. I Love You
  4. You Can Do It
  5. I Am Proud Of You

Now, how often do you tell yourself any of these? How much would this push you forward? How much better would you feel? How much less stressed would you feel? How much happier would you be?

Copy the list of what you should be saying and keep it somewhere you can see it. Make a conscious effort to say these things more often. (Maybe not yes to cake every day and not no to stuff that doesn’t make you happy – remember you have goals).

Try it for a day, see how you get on (set reminders on your phone, have pop ups come up on your screen on the computer, whatever you need to remind yourself.

Love yourself… RANT

You say you want to look better so that you will feel better about yourself, so that you will feel more confident, happier.

You say you want to find love but it seems you don’t even love yourself…

How much are you prioritising yourself?

Do you eat for health?

Do you exercise or do activities that keep you healthy?

Do you have hobbies, interests that entertain you?

Are you learning new things everyday to develop yourself in to an even more amazing person?

If the honest answer to any of these questions is no (and that includes answers of hesitation, sometimes or not really) then you need to get a grip.

We comes back to that term ‘self-sabotage’.

The only person preventing you from being happy is you.

There might be people around you questioning you, doubting your abilities. My question to you would be, why they hell are they still around?

If you don’t love and respect yourself then why would anyone else? You do not need someone to ‘save’ you or entertain you.

The people around you – friends, family, partners should be there to compliment your life not complete it.

Think of people you have moved on from…

How did those relationships start out? What happened? Why did you end up moving away from it?

This is not just boyfriends / husbands / partners, this is friendships too. There was a reason they started and a reason they ended (not always a fall out, sometimes just drifting apart, moving on, a change of chapter in your life).

It’s time for to fall in love with yourself.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to be better and want better.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with…

Make that average BIG, make it AMAZING. Make it that other people want you to be part of their 5.

It’s time to stop bullshitting yourself.

It’s time to take control and make you a priority.

Write a list of the 5 things you are least happy with.

Then write a list of the 5 things you are most happy with.

Using the 5 things you are most happy with, how can you use them to your advantage to change the things you are least happy with?

Write it down.

Make a plan.

Start working on it.

I want to know how you are getting on… So, do it today and let me know.

Jen x

Don’t wait for the holidays

Don’t wait for the holidays

It is great to have things to look forward to, holidays, nights out, time with family or friends.

How often do you sit at work thinking its nearly the weekend / long weekend / weeks holiday?

But what about the rest of the time?

What are you doing while you are waiting?

What stops you from doing more exciting or interesting things every day?

Sometimes you have to do shit boring things, that’s life.

But what if you started to change the way you looked at the boring things and see them as something that gets you to the next point.

Do you find that you are exhausted by the end of your working day?

Have you considered looking at your nutrition?

Have you considered shortening your working day (if at all possible) I know that so many of us work all day from 7am (or earlier) till 9pm (or later) and don’t always if at all take a lunch break.

Is that you? Do you need to start looking at how to restructure your day?

Make the most of what you have. Enjoy it, be happy, if you hate it don’t do it. Live for each day, each moment.

Find a job you love, fill your life with people you love, do things that make you happy.

Don’t waste a minute. Life is too short not to live and love it. No regrets.

Jen x

 

Embrace the change

So last week I talked to you about being stuck in a rut and challenged you to start making some small changes. Acknowledging people and keeping your phone in your bag or pocket…

 

How is that going for you? Did you just do 1 day or did you keep it going?

 

It’s surprisingly nice when people respond.

 

Time to take this up a level. Every day you change things, your clothes, your shoes, what you eat, your mind (and if you are anything like me you will change your mind A LOT)…

 

Next challenge I want YOU to start to be more carefree, more spontaneous and more open to new things.

 

I was a self-confessed control freak about EVERYTHING.

 

Some things I still am, but it’s a work in progress.  What I want YOU to do is say YES to more invitations. Drop some of the control. Have more FUN.

 

When the ‘what if’ is in your head, ask yourself ‘will it REALLY matter if I go and have fun with my friends for a couple of hours today and I don’t answer those work emails on any evening / Saturday / Sunday afternoon?’

 

It’s nice that you are passionate and driven about your work, but you need to have time off to have FUN, put on your dancing shoes, let your hair down or just chill the fuck out.

 

I made myself ill last year not taking time off and living in constant stress, being ill made it even worse because the Dr’s couldn’t work out what was wrong with me.

 

Every test was coming back clear (thankfully) but believe me, it scared the shit out of me being sent to the hospital for tests for lymphoma.

 

Nothing makes you sit up and listen like a cancer scare.

 

My prescription from the consultant…

 

Take time off and have fun.

 

I really don’t want that to happen to you.

 

Control for me is out of fear of the unknown.

 

Now I am starting to get a kick out of the unknown.

 

I have given up 2 businesses with the support of being in business with my friend to going it alone on a path that I am not sure exactly where it is taking me – but I have some insanely exciting ideas.

 

Letting go is scary as hell, but just think of what things could be better in your life if you just let go (even a wee bit).

 

So this week YOU are saying YES to invitations.

 

And if you are not getting invited anywhere do the inviting.

 

Look for opportunities to try new things, talk to new people, start eating better, get signed up for those personal training sessions you have been promising yourself ‘once you have more time’ even change your route to work.

 

It’s human instinct to make life as familiar and routine as possible but let’s face it, familiar is getting boring, and you are not getting anywhere.

 

Life should be enjoyed and a bit of change can make it way more exciting and interesting.

 

Say YES to more this week and let me know what new things you have been up to, tweet me @freedom_trainin .

Jen x

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