Make it a treat

Continuing on from yesterdays email about starting to love what is inside first… How did you get on with the task?

Today I want to bring your attention to your actions… If you are someone who emotionally eats, how do you know when it’s time to eat/drink? What just happened that sent you to the kitchen? Is there something else you could go and do instead?

Ask yourself these same questions whatever your obsessive or negative action is; drinking, shopping, exercise.

What is it that happens right before you bury your head in the sand / distract yourself?

This is a tough thing to do but when you get your head around it and realise it is not as bad as you think it is it will be a much greater benefit to you.

When something happens that causes a wobble – someone says something to hurt you, you think things to hurt you, things don’t work out how you hoped or planned… Notice what the emotion is that comes with that; hurt, sadness, pain, regret or whatever it might be and acknowledge it but don’t get caught up in the story of what happened then move on.

The more you rerun the story, the more dramatic it becomes.

We use food and drink as a comforter or reward system and that is damaging to our health so it is important to retrain your thoughts about them.

Have food & alcohol as a treat but never as a reward. You do not deserve or need the wine, chocolate, cake etc, you have it as a treat and something to look forward to.

It will be challenging especially if you have been brought up with the, be good and you will get… rather than it’s Friday, that means chocolate biscuit day.

Keep going, keep focused on the internal self love and do more of what makes you happy.

Have an acknowledging day

Jen x

PS If you know anyone that would benefit from these emails please send them to www.freedomintraining.co.uk to sign up.

Be proud?

How many things have you done with your life that you have taken a moment to sit back and be proud of yourself?

I went through a phase of doing things, and being so focused on the next thing that I didn’t appreciate anything that I had done.

When I was going for NLP coaching I remember Brian (my coach) asking me how I felt about having done and achieving so many things already in life. Did I not feel proud?

At that moment in time I could quite honestly say that I did not know what it felt like to feel proud about achievements.

Being too proud to accept help I am a pro at, but being able to step back and say ‘I did that, it was hard work, and I pushed through against the odds and got there’ that kind of pride was alien to me.

Having people around you that point out your achievements. That make you realise that what you have done is out of the ordinary. That you are achieving things that many people would shy away from. They make you stop and celebrate your success with you.

I never dreamt when I was leaving school that I would even want to go to uni, never mind return to education at 30 years old.

I then went through a divorce and lost my grandmother in a short space of time and still achieved the highest grade in my class for my graded unit at college.

I didn’t stop to be proud, I needed to keep busy, find something else to drive me forward.

June 2014 I graduated from Stirling University with a Postgraduate Diploma with MERIT.  I left school with a Higher in English, and I was tutored the whole year to get me that C.

Since finding out I passed, and then finding out I passed with merit, I have felt proud of everything I am achieving.

More recently, my new business that I have set up and I am working on all on my own (with the exception of my business mentor), my consistent training I am getting stronger and happier with my body shape than I have been in years.

There is always room for improvement but appreciating the journey rather than focusing on the next destination.

The difference? I slowed down, took time to appreciate everything I was doing.

I stopped and took a look back at the last 5 years. Even the last 10 years. I have done more in the last decade than some have done in a lifetime. There is a lot there for me to be proud of.

When was the last time you stopped and looked back?

Start to write down some of your achievements. Once you get started and talk to the people close to you, they will remind you of things.

Keep your list.

I found an awesome book, every day you write a line, a memory, achievement, anything at all for that day. Every year you start again at the beginning.

Over 5 years you can see what happened on that very same date the year before.

I started using it nearly a year ago now and I am constantly writing things I look forward to remembering over again. You can get a copy on Amazon: One Line A Day, A 5 Year Memory Book << if you click on the blue it will take you to it in Amazon.

Start your list today. What are you proud of? Keep the list. Add to it.

Here’s to a future of achievements and memories

Jen x

 

 

 

Take some power back

Being ‘in power’ of your thoughts is freedom.

I got this emailed to be the other day…

‘I am finding your newsletters really helpful and feel much more ‘in power’ of what must be done in order to see results no longer see it as depriving myself but more of gaining a better me. Actually think I can do it this time!’

Taking control lets you worry less and live more.

Worrying doesn’t solve any problems. If anything worrying just makes them worse, your imagination runs away from you thinking the worst.

My friend Maria put it really well the other day, one tiny thought gets out of control in your head, next thing you know you have a starring role in Eastenders!

When something is out of your control, there is nothing you can do.

I remember once when I went for a massage, I forgot to put money in the meter, remembered half way through my massage… My choice: worry about if I had a ticket, or enjoy my massage and deal with the situation when I got back to my car.

At the end of the day I had forgotten to put money in so if I had a ticket it was my own fault. Thankfully I didn’t get a ticket and worrying about it would have done nothing but ruin Suze’s good work.

When something is in your control, do the best you can to sort it – and that usually comes down to your thoughts and how you react to it.

Do what makes you happy. Take control of your actions. Live for the moment. Take chances.

Believe what happens is meant to happen.

Jen x

 

 

Do more for you

I was reading a blog a while back that was talking about bringing up kids and about things the author believes we should never say to kids when you are bringing them up or coaching them, teaching them or being around them and influencing them.

His list was this:

  1. No
  2. Don’t Run (or Don’t Cry)
  3. Clean Your Plate
  4. Be Good At Everything
  5. You Get What You Get

 

Now my first thought was, OK… but what about yourself? How often do you say these things to yourself? How much do they hold you back? How do they make you feel about yourself? How much pressure do you put on yourself?

We need to stop being mean to ourselves (and the kids of course) and start giving ourselves a break.

 

The article then went on to talk about the things you should be saying to kids on a regular basis:

 

  1. Yes
  2. Have Fun
  3. I Love You
  4. You Can Do It
  5. I Am Proud Of You

Now, how often do you tell yourself any of these? How much would this push you forward? How much better would you feel? How much less stressed would you feel? How much happier would you be?

Copy the list of what you should be saying and keep it somewhere you can see it. Make a conscious effort to say these things more often. (Maybe not yes to cake every day and not no to stuff that doesn’t make you happy – remember you have goals).

Try it for a day, see how you get on (set reminders on your phone, have pop ups come up on your screen on the computer, whatever you need to remind yourself.

Solo dates and fun stuff

For quite a while now on Sundays I have been trying to do different things with my day. I am expanding my culture and experiences to develop me as a person.

I have been to the Art Galleries, the Transport Museum, Gallery of Modern Art, walked up Conic Hill, been climbing, to movies at the GFT…

Some of them I have done with friends, some on my own.

How often do you do things outside of your normal routine?

Do you ever go off and do stuff on your own? Taking time out by yourself.

I love spending time alone. Pottering, writing, reading, people watching, thinking about things, thinking about nothing.

I totally believe that you NEED to be comfortable doing things on your own.

It’s even more than comfortable, but happy & content. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than liking your own company.

People have more respect for you when they see that you are independent, weirdly it makes people want to hang out with you more.

Why do people want to hang out with you more? Because you display good, strong values and they see that they can learn from you.

If you are someone who isn’t comfortable on their own, like as soon as you are left alone the first thing you do is grab your phone and start texting, checking Facebook/ twitter or reading your emails.

Learn to not do that.

Your challenge for this week, if its something you are not good at.

Be alone, no phone for comfort. Go somewhere, do something different.

Go to a museum, coffee shop (you can take a book to read, but don’t use social media if you have your kindle/ipad/tablet to read, it must be a book), go for a walk, go for dinner, go on a day trip (the city tour buses are always good).

Let me know what you are doing for your challenge.

Fo and push yourself to do something outside your comfort zone.

Jen x

Ready, steady, GO

Ready… Steady… GO!

How do you know when you are ready? What is it you are going to be ready for?

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” Dr House (Hugh Laurie)

Why do you need to be ready? Will you ever be ready?

Or are you using it as an excuse to stall because you are afraid?

What is it you are afraid of? The unknown? Change? Being happy? It not working out? Failing? Moving on? Life being better?

Someone once told me, that to be successful you need to be in a risk taking mind-set.

You need to be prepared to make something different to get a positive change.

How will you know if you don’t try?

If you keep doing everything the same, you are going to get the same results. Makes sense really…

But if you are not loving it, and just going through the motions of life, then you are missing out BIG time.

Taking risks is hard, and things don’t always turn out how you planned or hoped, but a change does happen. Things don’t stay the same.

If you wait till tomorrow, is that going to be better? Not really. All you have done is delay everything by 24hrs.

What if tomorrow comes and you have missed the opportunity?

If you wait till tomorrow that is 1 less day to hit your goal meaning you will have to work that bit harder to catch up.

I read a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, some of it was a bit too out there even for me, but the concept of not living in the past or living in the future but living in the present moment makes sense.

From the past we learn lessons. We learn what not to eat because it makes us feel shitty and put on weight. We learn some people are just dicks and there is nothing we can do about that but move on.

For the future all we can do is prepare for it, we take the lessons from the past, let go of the pain, take risks to make us happy now which will set us up for the future.

You have your goal – lets say its weight loss. Eating shit food and sitting on your arse thinking about it in the now is not going to prepare you for success in the future.

In the now you need to make choices, eat for your health, move more, do fun stuff so that a side effect of that will be a healthy weight and a happier life.

What do you need to do RIGHT NOW to make your life better?

Now is as good a time as any…

Ready…. Steady… GO!

Jen x

 

 

 

New Year, New You bollocks

With all the new year, new you bollocks that’s filling your timeline, its always refreshing to hear some truths.

Without a plan, you are not going to change.

Without knowing what it is you actually want and why you want it, you are not going to change.

If you made the same resolutions last year, chances are you are not going to change.

If you only set goals from 01 Jan, chances are you are not going to change.

Sorry to tell you, but these are facts. At a minimum, you should be setting and assessing your goals every month (if not every single day – yes, you read that correctly, every single day).

With that in mind I thought I would re-post a recent blog which is something that I teach my Warrior Women in the Warrior Woman Project (http://freedomintraining.co.uk/warrior-woman-project/)

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Oscar Wilde ‘success is a science, if you have the conditions you will get the results’

To be successful you need to create the right conditions to make the results happen.

In previous emails I have suggested that you set some goals.

How is that going for you?

Have you worked out your plan?

Have you figured out what and who you need to help you achieve your results?

Have you started to make the changes to get you to where you need to be?

It is up to you to set your conditions in place to allow everything to come together.

You need to put yourself in to the right mind-set. Focus on the outcome.

You pack your gym stuff, prepare your food, set the alarm early.

One part of the plan falls out of place and the rest of the plan goes out the window.

For example, my flatmate:

Packed her gym stuff, set the alarm, prepared all her food.

Alarm went off, decided she was cosy in bed, wouldn’t get up and go to work at the end of the day.

She got up later, then when getting ready for work she realised that she was getting her hair done after so she ditched her whole healthy eating plan for the day. Roll & sausage & potato scone, Victoria sponge, chocolate…

(She did tell me about this to out her in my emails, I am not being nasty)

Just because she didn’t go to the gym there was no real reason to ditch the rest of her plans for the day.

How often do you let that happen to you?

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Have a good day, and get back on the plan even if there is a side step.

Jen x

 

 

 

Love yourself… RANT

You say you want to look better so that you will feel better about yourself, so that you will feel more confident, happier.

You say you want to find love but it seems you don’t even love yourself…

How much are you prioritising yourself?

Do you eat for health?

Do you exercise or do activities that keep you healthy?

Do you have hobbies, interests that entertain you?

Are you learning new things everyday to develop yourself in to an even more amazing person?

If the honest answer to any of these questions is no (and that includes answers of hesitation, sometimes or not really) then you need to get a grip.

We comes back to that term ‘self-sabotage’.

The only person preventing you from being happy is you.

There might be people around you questioning you, doubting your abilities. My question to you would be, why they hell are they still around?

If you don’t love and respect yourself then why would anyone else? You do not need someone to ‘save’ you or entertain you.

The people around you – friends, family, partners should be there to compliment your life not complete it.

Think of people you have moved on from…

How did those relationships start out? What happened? Why did you end up moving away from it?

This is not just boyfriends / husbands / partners, this is friendships too. There was a reason they started and a reason they ended (not always a fall out, sometimes just drifting apart, moving on, a change of chapter in your life).

It’s time for to fall in love with yourself.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to be better and want better.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with…

Make that average BIG, make it AMAZING. Make it that other people want you to be part of their 5.

It’s time to stop bullshitting yourself.

It’s time to take control and make you a priority.

Write a list of the 5 things you are least happy with.

Then write a list of the 5 things you are most happy with.

Using the 5 things you are most happy with, how can you use them to your advantage to change the things you are least happy with?

Write it down.

Make a plan.

Start working on it.

I want to know how you are getting on… So, do it today and let me know.

Jen x

There were nearly tears…

My personal trainer was off on his holidays last week so I had been left homework to do… Which I did (a couple of times).

Yesterday we were testing to see how things are progressing.

Frustrated and angry are how I get when things don’t work like they should. And that is not just with the exercises that’s just overall.

I was pretty close to tears for the whole session…

It was the first time I had done weighted squats in about 7 months.

‘Hold at the bottom for a count of 3’ he said…

‘ok next one go deeper and hold’

I decked it.

My head said ‘nah this is too hard’ and everything switched off.

Get up, go again (this man has no time for my shit).

Next 4 were better. Still not great but better.

I have more homework to do.

If that had been me, in the gym on my own I would have either not squatted deep enough or chucked it after decking it.

Either way I would not get stronger, I would continue to have my reoccurring injuries.

Working on your weaknesses is HARD. I know. Admitting there are weaknesses is hard (if you are getting injuries there will come a point where you need to do something about it or give up).

I go to someone else for help with my fitness.

I go to someone else for help with my head.

I go to someone else for help with my nutrition.

Do I know how to do all of these things on my own? YES, I do and I help many people on a daily basis achieve their goals, clear their heads and get their nutrition sorted.

Why do I go to someone else?

I need that external person to hold me accountable. I need someone who is more experienced and has different knowledge from me. That is how I learn. That is how I succeed. I understand the value of what I offer.

You can read all the books and magazines, listen to podcasts, watch motivational clips on YouTube but if you don’t take action all you are doing is reading the manual.

Who holds you accountable? Who pulls you up when you are telling yourself those wee lies to make yourself feel better? (Remember yesterday’s email?)

There is no shortcut to your destination. There is no magic pill or wand that will make it all go away or be better.

The only thing that will make it happen is you.

You should have set goals by now… If not why the hell not?

Looking at your goals, what is it you will get out of achieving them? Now I am talking emotionally here. Not that you will get to fit in to that size 12 dress you bought 3 years ago promising you would get in to it back then.

How will you feel inside achieving your goal? Happy? Confident? Give you self-belief? Proud?

Once you know WHY it is you want that goal it will make it so much easier to push forward.

For me to be injury free will give me more confidence when I am working with the Master Trainers of the Indoor Cycling Group. I know my weaknesses are holding my back from being REALLY good.

What is your WHY?

Let me know.

Jen x

 

Internet Dating

Internet dating…

One of my friends (not my flat mate this time, she is getting a break today) is on some online dating app…

Now, I personally have never used any online facility to meet boys. There is something that doesn’t sit right about it (for me).

The thing I don’t get, a boy sends a message, he arranges a date, he sends a message to reschedule the date (some crap about having to work late), he then postpones the date AGAIN this time without arranging something definite.

I have issues with this.

  1. He has made no verbal contact
  2. He has postponed an initial meeting more than once

My advice is to tell him to jog on… You only get to reschedule once (as long as someone has died).

Since when is it acceptable to be put off and put off?

If someone genuinely wants to meet you, they need to make an effort. Even if it is for 30mins coffee just to say hi and meet you in person. That is much better than ‘I will be in touch when I have nothing better to do with my time’

Ladies (and gents), you need to raise your standards.

Since when is it OK to accept being second best or an after-thought?

Have confidence in yourself that you are worth the effort.

When you do go on the date, don’t be nervous about what the other person thinks of you. Fuck that, you are checking out if they are good enough for you.

Things you want to check – Are you looking for something that is real life? When I say that, I mean you are not searching for a character from a book, movie or TV – they do not exist.

People have flaws and are not perfect. What you need to consider is do their imperfections make you feel like shit? If yes, move on.

This is not just about romantic encounters (I have little to no experience in this area being single for nearly 4 years, not been on a date since 2002) it’s about all your relationships, friends and family too.

Your friends, a quick call to check in on each other, swing past their house on the way home from work, let them know you care.

In business, people who put off or let you down you would stop doing business with them, you would not be a return customer.

People should feel lucky to have you as part of their life not you feel lucky to be part of theirs.

If they don’t bring anything to your life, then really what is the point?

Set your standards high, and know you are worth it. At the same time don’t use your standards as a shield to protect you from everyone. You need to learn to be vulnerable too (more on that soon).

Jen x

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