I have no time…

I don’t have time…

Best excuse for not eating well, not finding a boyfriend, not having hobbies, not seeing family or friends, not having a social life, not exercising, not reading, not learning, not writing your book, not finding a new job and not challenging ourselves. The list could go on to a full page of things you want to try and avoid in your life.

That excuse is the bullshit that we tell ourselves to let us off the hook from doing the things that scare us or could potentially make us really happy BUT we need to show a bit of that vulnerability that I have talked to you about before.

Then, when we start to find some time instead of using productively to work on the above list, we take on more work or the easy stuff so we can keep using it as our shield.

Yeah, I am a pro at that too.

Our comfort zone is not our best friend but in fact our worst enemy. It’s all cosy and comfy there and no one can touch us, no one can hurt us, we can‘t be challenged or have to justify ourselves.

Over there we are awesome, yes. BUT. We are not being the most awesome that we could be.

Yes, we will sometimes get it wrong, we will fail, it won’t work out how we would like it to, BUT it will in the long run make us and our world better.

How many times have you eventually been forced to do something and when you did it, you realised that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would have been or even wished that you had started it sooner?

Yeah, that…

So this weekend, off of your list of things that you should be doing but have managed to avoid through your business… Do 1 thing to change it. Take a step to making a start.

What can you make time for this weekend that you have been avoiding??

Have a fab weekend

Jen x

PS If you know someone who would benefit from these emails or from Warrior Woman Project please send them to www.freedomintrainning.co.uk to sign up

 

6 down 6 to go

In the blink of an eye, that is us at the end of June…

Have a think about the first half of your year… how has that gone for you?

Think back to your New Year resolutions if you made any… How many have you ticked off? How many are you working your way towards? How many have you completely ignored and are pretending that you don’t really want that change now?

I had one on my list that I don’t even know where it came from, it had never been a dream or aspiration before… I was just sitting looking at my list one day and I wrote it down… I want to write a book.

When I wrote it down I did think, yeah, maybe one day, won’t be this year, might not even be this decade…

But, the universe had other ideas.

I am writing a book AND it’s getting published… Yip, you heard it right, it is happening.

Having the right conversations with the right people at the right time has propelled this forward to happening this year with date of publish to be next year… My first draft is due in at the end of August.

Excited is not even close, I am also shitting myself but it will all be good. Practicing this vulnerability stuff, putting my words out there for people to see and have an opinion on.

The first step in getting anything done is saying it out loud, telling people, but making sure that you tell the right people.

There will always be people in your world who will be delighted and will help you make things happen and there will be people who will question you and make you feel stupid for even thinking that you could ever…

Don’t tell those people who will aid your self-sabotage – you can do that crap on your own… Tell the people who will believe in you, support you and potentially be able to help you make it happen.

Choose your people wisely.

Happy Tuesday

Jen x

PS If you know anyone who would benefit from these emails or from Warrior Woman Project please send them over to www.freedomintraining.co.uk to sign up

 

Set It On Fire

Yesterday I mentioned about doing things on your own and how it can challenge you and build character… I also mentioned that it can bring some of your self-doubt crap up, the things that make you question ‘are you good enough?’

What I want you to try today is start getting rid of that crap.

Write it down, empty your head, all those negative thoughts, the doubts, your worries…

Then you are going to burn that bit of paper (in a safe place of course, please don’t have any house or office fires – we have all seen that Valentines episode of Friends) OR put it through the shredder.

Whatever you do, destroy that bit of paper, it’s one, it’s over, it’s rubbish.

Then I want you to write a list of all the things you have achieved, challenges you have overcome, things you have done that you never thought you could…

This list is one you keep.

AND,

Keep adding to…

This is your reminder of what you can do when you put your mind to it.

I will leave it up to you if you want to add to it Things To Do, these are your goals, dreams things you want to achieve. I like to have these so I can tick them off and add them to the achieved list.

I will also let you decide where and how you do this, mine is on a spreadsheet and also on a whiteboard.

Have a heads up Tuesday, do great things

Jen x

PS If you know someone who would benefit from these emails please send them to www.freedomintraining.co.uk to sign up

It’s what Sunday’s are for…

For quite a while now on Sundays I have been trying to do different things with my day. I am expanding my culture and experiences to develop me as a person.

This weekend I was at the Body Type Nutrition Conference learning with a couple of friends.

I have been to the Art Galleries, the Transport Museum, Gallery of Modern Art, walked up Conic Hill, been climbing, to movies at the GFT… Some of them I have done with friends, some on my own.

How often do you do things outside of your normal routine?

Do you ever go off and do stuff on your own? Taking time out by yourself.

I love spending time alone. Pottering, writing, reading, people watching, thinking about things, thinking about nothing.

I totally believe that you NEED to be comfortable doing things on your own.

It’s even more than comfortable, but happy & content. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than liking your own company.

People have more respect for you when they see that you are independent, weirdly it makes people want to hang out with you more.

Why do people want to hang out with you more? Because you display good, strong values and they see that they can learn from you.

If you are someone who isn’t comfortable on their own, like as soon as you are left alone the first thing you do is grab your phone and start texting, checking Facebook/ twitter or reading your emails.

Learn to not do that.

Your challenge for this week, if its something you are not good at.

Be alone, no phone for comfort. Go somewhere, do something different.

Go to a museum, coffee shop (you can take a book to read, but don’t use social media if you have your kindle/ipad/tablet to read, it must be a book), go for a walk, go for dinner, go on a day trip (the city tour buses are always good).

Let me know what you are doing for your challenge.

Have a good week, and push yourself to do something outside your comfort zone.

Every day is a school day

I do love learning but sometimes when I don’t understand I just want to chuck it.

That sentence really contradicts itself I know, but let me explain and you might understand.

You hear a language you don’t understand and it’s just noise so you tend to switch off from it.

Even sometimes when you know the words are in English but they are totally new to you it sounds the same.

I remember being in physiology at uni and learning about the nervous system. The lecturer could have been speaking Japanese to me and I wouldn’t have known the difference.

It was kind of the same when I went back to try to learn Spanish. I was quite happy when we were going through words and phrases that I know.

As soon as its new vocabulary my brain takes what feels like ages to even get the pronunciation right.

I get a bit of a panic going on in my head and feel like I am back in primary one sounding out words over and over to myself trying to get it right.

I was the same when I was practicing my swimming, there is so much to think about… make sure you breathe out fully before trying to breathe in, arms moving one way, legs moving another, stay relaxed…

At the end of the day it’s all about practice.

It’s how you learn.

It’s not just with learning new languages, but skills, crafts, exercises, games…

At school I was not good at sports, always the last one picked, the last one in the race – that was back in the day when winning mattered, you didn’t get a medal for showing up. It was bronze, silver and gold. I’m pretty sure that my mum told me it was the taking part that counted and as long as you tried you best.

At the time it did matter to me that I wasn’t good at sports so I did my best to avoid it as much as possible. Kind of like the learning thing. It’s too hard so I can’t do it.

Now it’s different, I still don’t do sports that can be won or lost, I’m not motivated in a competitive environment.

The only person that I compete with is myself, to be better today than I was yesterday. As long as you do your best and give it your all, no one can ask for any more – good advice mum!

Some people are highly motivated and competitive which is fine as long as (in my opinion) you are as good a winner as you are a loser.

Take the wins humbly, take the losses as lessons of where to improve next time.

I saw a great quote yesterday ‘your largest fear carries your greatest growth’.

Feel the fear and do it anyway (awesome book). Fear of change, mistakes, embarrassment, failure, whatever the fear is, once you face it and realise that it’s not that bad (your head can make some mental shit up) that is where you learn and grow. Anything else is just revision – like me in my Spanish class.

Today, I challenge you.

Think about your dreams and life goals.

What scares you the most about them?

What small first step can you take in the direction of them?

When are you going to take that step?

Make a plan of the first few steps to get momentum going then take them.

I would love to hear what you do…

Jen x

The secret to your success

Yesterday I lectured you…

I would apologise, but sometimes you need a bit of a rant for you to take action.

How did you do on your task?

What could you do to make a positive impact on your life? Did you do anything about it?

Time and time again I hear the same old excuse ‘I’m too busy’.

This has to be the worst excuse ever, especially when you make time to do things for other people all the time… I would put money on the fact that you say yes to your boss, colleagues and clients making sacrifices on your own time to do things for them.

Everyone has the same 24hrs in the day, we need to prioritise that time to make sure that we get time for ourselves.

I am going to ask you this, why do you think on an aeroplane you need to put your own mask on first before helping others?

What use to the world are you if you are not in your best form?

If you are already pretty amazing at doing stuff for other people, imagine how much better you would be if you were an improved version of what you are now…

Just putting that out there for you to have a think about.

Every single thing you do counts…

You choose what you buy when you go to the supermarket (and you know that fruit and veg is better than cake and crisps).

A stir-fry takes less than 10mins to cook, even less if you take the pre chopped bags of veg.

You choose to stay in bed an extra hour rather than get up and do some exercises in the morning, whether it’s in the house or getting to the gym.

You choose to sit and watch TV instead of reading that book, doing a course, learning something new, working on that hobby that you would love to do as work instead of the job you do.

You put so much effort in for other people, and you are the most important person in your world (it’s OK to be selfish when it makes you better for you and everyone else).

Great results come from consistent work every single day.

It’s never too late to start making better choices, putting in more effort, becoming consistent.

The only thing that stops you is you. You have the final decision on everything in your life.

The small seemingly insignificant changes can have the biggest impact.

I took the decision to smile and say hi first at people in the gym means I now chat to loads of people in there now, I love going in even more now because it’s a nice, friendly experience and some of those old dudes have the best chat!

All from just being the one to smile first.

It was a massive thing for me to find the confidence to do but in terms of the world was a tiny thing to change.

My challenge to you… Make a tiny change and do it consistently.

Have an epic week.

Jen x

 

 

 

 

Perfectly Imperfect

You are perfect.

Everyone is.

Perfectly imperfect.

We all have those things that we see in ourselves that we hate (I will fill you in on some of mine in a minute), but if someone else was to look at you it is probably not something they notice.

It’s time to embrace your imperfections and make them your own.

How free would you feel if you weren’t judging yourself and thinking negatively about you?

Now I am not saying ditch healthy eating and exercise plans and embrace what you are not happy about. But forgive yourself when you make mistakes, its ok to be perfectly imperfect.  I had a couple of croissants, some biscuits, cake and not enough veggies in the last couple of days. My tummy is bloated and skin has broken out with dry and sore eczema patches because of it. I know why my skin broke out and I know how to fix it (eat better and drink more water), but I enjoyed those treats when I had them and understood what the consequences of eating them would be – I don’t hate myself, I just wonder did I really need as much as I ate or was I just being greedy?!

Mistakes, faults, imperfections are what makes us strong and will continue to make us even stronger. I know the next time I want to have a ‘treat’ not to eat as much and I won’t have as bad a breakout. I will have a stronger reason of Why I want to eat right for my body (my face bloody hurts and the dry skin round my eyes makes me look old!).

Why is it that we feel we need to put up a front, wear a mask, hide our imperfections? We pretend to be someone we are not.  We hide who we really are and put on a show of perfection, mistake free and invincible.

This show of perfection is put on for everyone, friends, family, workmates, people in the street, ourselves.

Thing is, that’s not real, we are being fake to everyone including ourselves. We are letting ourselves down by not being true to what is really going on inside. We know it inside, and you would be surprised how many people around you know that it is an act that you are putting on too. Very few people are that good at acting, and if you are you should be getting paid the big money for it.

‘True beauty comes from being honest and authentic’ – Heidi Powell.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy to do. For most of us, there will be the genuine you who is professional and the genuine you for your personal life. I have my professional head on most of the time. It’s safe there, I am genuinely happy when I am doing my job but I sometimes forget to switch that version of me off. It’s scary to think you are going to show a vulnerable side (you don’t need to reveal everything to everyone) but be honest with yourself first.

It is a feeling of total freedom when you are just genuine and drop the act. I am lucky to have a couple of friends who know me well enough that they see straight through my wall and I don’t pretend with at all. There is no need, there is 100% trust there.

So to share with you some of my imperfections:

  1. I am a perfectionist (which I am working on).
  2. When I smile my eyes disappear in to wee slits.
  3. When I get professional photo’s taken I go all Chandler Bing, Juliebee spends more time telling me to lose the fear face than she does telling me to smile.
  4. I have food issues.
  5. So many times I want to cheat at my workouts because it hurts.
  6. I am a control freak (which is something else I am working on too lol).
  7. I am scared of failing (even though I have failed at many, many things and survived and I am wiser for it).
  8. Even when I straighten my hair I wake up looking like I have been dragged through a bush.
  9. I have fell down the stairs twice last year and my elbow is not right, I can’t lean on it and I didn’t go to the hospital to get it checked out.

So how do we get past this fear of people seeing our imperfections?

We need to stop being so serious, learn to laugh at ourselves, not be embarrassed or scared and ask for help (or seek medical attention when you have injured yourself).

Trust in yourself, love your imperfections, and understand the lessons from your mistakes and how they have made you stronger. Don’t worry what other people think, as I told one of my clients recently fuck them! It’s no one’s business but yours.

The people who matter in your life will not be bothered about your imperfections, they will love you more for them. If they are bothered then they should have no space in your life, don’t waste time with them.

So what to do with this information?

Make a list of your imperfections, admit them to yourself, understand them then start to show them.

You don’t need to show all to everyone. That would be too much for anyone. But start to let the walls down. Choose wisely who you let in, you still need to protect yourself from people who can unnecessarily hurt you.

I would love to hear what your imperfections are.

Jen x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shine a different light

Over the summer I was at a course at Strathclyde Uni, called writing for wellness.

It was about how to write through traumatic events in your life, which has been scientifically proven to be beneficial in getting through the aftermath of the event.

Because it was a one day course it wasn’t about digging in to our deepest worries and fears but to introduce us to different techniques that don’t make problems disappear but help change your perspective of them.

One that I found to benefit me the most in the quickest time (and is pretty easy to do) is the gratitude journal.

If you are an Oprah lover like me then you will already know all about gratitude journals.

Every night before you go to bed write down 3 things you are grateful for from that day and why.

‘I am grateful for _________ because _________’

Some days this might be really hard if you have had a shit day and you might just have been grateful for a cup of tea. Other days you are going to have more than 3.

The more you do this, the more you start to look for things through the day that you are grateful  for then before you know it your head is in a much more positive place.

I get my Warrior Women to write down every day something they are proud of themselves for, this makes them think more about themselves and the things that they achieve on a day to day basis that they maybe didn’t give themselves credit for.

The good news from the feedback is it is working, they are looking for those positive things, they see the way they handle the shit that gets thrown at them on a daily basis. They are recognising how they are growing, where maybe they used to comfort eat, they are now dealing with the crap and feeling better about it.

It’s not easy, we find it hard to praise ourselves, it’s so much easier to beat ourselves up and believe that we can’t cope and live in that cycle of destruction. It’s not a happy place, but it’s easier, or at least that’s what we convince ourselves.

I set you this challenge, 3 things you are grateful for every day and 1 thing you are proud of, notice your mood and how much better things seem when you start to shine a different light on them.

Look out for those things that put a wee smile on your face

Jen x

 

Do more for you

I was reading a blog a while back that was talking about bringing up kids and about things the author believes we should never say to kids when you are bringing them up or coaching them, teaching them or being around them and influencing them.

His list was this:

  1. No
  2. Don’t Run (or Don’t Cry)
  3. Clean Your Plate
  4. Be Good At Everything
  5. You Get What You Get

 

Now my first thought was, OK… but what about yourself? How often do you say these things to yourself? How much do they hold you back? How do they make you feel about yourself? How much pressure do you put on yourself?

We need to stop being mean to ourselves (and the kids of course) and start giving ourselves a break.

 

The article then went on to talk about the things you should be saying to kids on a regular basis:

 

  1. Yes
  2. Have Fun
  3. I Love You
  4. You Can Do It
  5. I Am Proud Of You

Now, how often do you tell yourself any of these? How much would this push you forward? How much better would you feel? How much less stressed would you feel? How much happier would you be?

Copy the list of what you should be saying and keep it somewhere you can see it. Make a conscious effort to say these things more often. (Maybe not yes to cake every day and not no to stuff that doesn’t make you happy – remember you have goals).

Try it for a day, see how you get on (set reminders on your phone, have pop ups come up on your screen on the computer, whatever you need to remind yourself.

Who actually cares?

So did you do go on a solo date yet?

How did it make you feel?

If not, why not?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

Worrying about what other people think holds us back from what we want to do.

How do you know what it is they are actually thinking?

Unless they actually tell you, then you are just making that shit up in your head. And the crap you dream up is WAY off mark (true story).

Pretty much guaranteed they are thinking about themselves, what they are having for dinner or cake (unless it’s a dude then they will be thinking about sex).

I used to do everything on a whim, not think about what anyone else thought, or even worry about the outcome.  If you don’t try how will you know? That took me to living in Greece, Spain, Australia, I even got married not questioning it one bit (best way if I am honest, if there is doubt chances are its not the right one – do take proper further advice on this though, I do not want to be responsible for hearts being wrongly broken all over the place).

Life was so much easier and way more interesting. My head was calm, unquestioning, innocent you could even say. Why would it not work? Why would I stay in this place when it might be better over there?

You make a few mistakes, get burned a couple of times, heartbroken and all of a sudden you overthink everything.  Question your judgement and decisions. You get scared. You start to worry ‘what if’ and then stop doing things. What if I don’t want to stay in the next country I try? What if I don’t ask the right questions? What if I get a broken heart again?

Blah, blah, blah. Recently I have been seeking out how to relax my thoughts a bit. 3 firewalks, many NLP sessions, meditation, exercise, yoga and I am in a much better place than I was 4 years ago. I am currently working my way around different meditation centres trying to find the one that is good for me. I have defo noticed a difference.

(Tip, there is a TED talk online that talks about how physiology has a massive effect on your stress and confidence hormones, standing in the Wonder Woman pose for 2 minutes a day will have a physiological change on your confidence. One of my Warrior Women has been trying it and she is blown away and slightly terrified at how effective it has been. Feet shoulder width apart, hands on hips (like wonder woman) and breathe for 2 minutes) I need to add this in to my life.

I have started to take more chances, I am engaging with more people, putting myself in to (safe) situations that I would normally shy away from, I am open to more ideas and trying new things. As of 17th Jan 2015 when I am writing this, I am on 10 day of 1 new thing each day and I am LOVING it. Don’t get me wrong some of these things are pretty small – driving my new car in the snow, telling my mum I was getting a new tattoo before I actually got it (that was quite big actually) to big things like going along to a singles social event all by myself.

I have stopped worrying about what people think as much as I used to. I do remember the first time I went to the cinema by myself, I was worried about what other people would think. The worst thing about it was wanting to make a comment about something in the film and realising there was no one to actually say it to. I now prefer to go alone so I don’t talk.

Even if someone was being critical or judging you… Does it really matter? It’s one person’s opinion.

How would things change for you if you didn’t even consider what other people were thinking about? How free would you feel now worrying about what other people think? How much more would you do and say? I do sometimes say something then think after, ‘really, did I just say that?’

What would it take for you to stop considering what other people might be thinking and just go ahead and do what you want?

Give it a go, just even for a couple of hours, you never know, you might like it.