Be proud?

How many things have you done with your life that you have taken a moment to sit back and be proud of yourself?

I went through a phase of doing things, and being so focused on the next thing that I didn’t appreciate anything that I had done.

When I was going for NLP coaching I remember Brian (my coach) asking me how I felt about having done and achieving so many things already in life. Did I not feel proud?

At that moment in time I could quite honestly say that I did not know what it felt like to feel proud about achievements.

Being too proud to accept help I am a pro at, but being able to step back and say ‘I did that, it was hard work, and I pushed through against the odds and got there’ that kind of pride was alien to me.

Having people around you that point out your achievements. That make you realise that what you have done is out of the ordinary. That you are achieving things that many people would shy away from. They make you stop and celebrate your success with you.

I never dreamt when I was leaving school that I would even want to go to uni, never mind return to education at 30 years old.

I then went through a divorce and lost my grandmother in a short space of time and still achieved the highest grade in my class for my graded unit at college.

I didn’t stop to be proud, I needed to keep busy, find something else to drive me forward.

June 2014 I graduated from Stirling University with a Postgraduate Diploma with MERIT.  I left school with a Higher in English, and I was tutored the whole year to get me that C.

Since finding out I passed, and then finding out I passed with merit, I have felt proud of everything I am achieving.

More recently, my new business that I have set up and I am working on all on my own (with the exception of my business mentor), my consistent training I am getting stronger and happier with my body shape than I have been in years.

There is always room for improvement but appreciating the journey rather than focusing on the next destination.

The difference? I slowed down, took time to appreciate everything I was doing.

I stopped and took a look back at the last 5 years. Even the last 10 years. I have done more in the last decade than some have done in a lifetime. There is a lot there for me to be proud of.

When was the last time you stopped and looked back?

Start to write down some of your achievements. Once you get started and talk to the people close to you, they will remind you of things.

Keep your list.

I found an awesome book, every day you write a line, a memory, achievement, anything at all for that day. Every year you start again at the beginning.

Over 5 years you can see what happened on that very same date the year before.

I started using it nearly a year ago now and I am constantly writing things I look forward to remembering over again. You can get a copy on Amazon: One Line A Day, A 5 Year Memory Book << if you click on the blue it will take you to it in Amazon.

Start your list today. What are you proud of? Keep the list. Add to it.

Here’s to a future of achievements and memories

Jen x

 

 

 

Do more for you

I was reading a blog a while back that was talking about bringing up kids and about things the author believes we should never say to kids when you are bringing them up or coaching them, teaching them or being around them and influencing them.

His list was this:

  1. No
  2. Don’t Run (or Don’t Cry)
  3. Clean Your Plate
  4. Be Good At Everything
  5. You Get What You Get

 

Now my first thought was, OK… but what about yourself? How often do you say these things to yourself? How much do they hold you back? How do they make you feel about yourself? How much pressure do you put on yourself?

We need to stop being mean to ourselves (and the kids of course) and start giving ourselves a break.

 

The article then went on to talk about the things you should be saying to kids on a regular basis:

 

  1. Yes
  2. Have Fun
  3. I Love You
  4. You Can Do It
  5. I Am Proud Of You

Now, how often do you tell yourself any of these? How much would this push you forward? How much better would you feel? How much less stressed would you feel? How much happier would you be?

Copy the list of what you should be saying and keep it somewhere you can see it. Make a conscious effort to say these things more often. (Maybe not yes to cake every day and not no to stuff that doesn’t make you happy – remember you have goals).

Try it for a day, see how you get on (set reminders on your phone, have pop ups come up on your screen on the computer, whatever you need to remind yourself.

Who actually cares?

So did you do go on a solo date yet?

How did it make you feel?

If not, why not?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

Worrying about what other people think holds us back from what we want to do.

How do you know what it is they are actually thinking?

Unless they actually tell you, then you are just making that shit up in your head. And the crap you dream up is WAY off mark (true story).

Pretty much guaranteed they are thinking about themselves, what they are having for dinner or cake (unless it’s a dude then they will be thinking about sex).

I used to do everything on a whim, not think about what anyone else thought, or even worry about the outcome.  If you don’t try how will you know? That took me to living in Greece, Spain, Australia, I even got married not questioning it one bit (best way if I am honest, if there is doubt chances are its not the right one – do take proper further advice on this though, I do not want to be responsible for hearts being wrongly broken all over the place).

Life was so much easier and way more interesting. My head was calm, unquestioning, innocent you could even say. Why would it not work? Why would I stay in this place when it might be better over there?

You make a few mistakes, get burned a couple of times, heartbroken and all of a sudden you overthink everything.  Question your judgement and decisions. You get scared. You start to worry ‘what if’ and then stop doing things. What if I don’t want to stay in the next country I try? What if I don’t ask the right questions? What if I get a broken heart again?

Blah, blah, blah. Recently I have been seeking out how to relax my thoughts a bit. 3 firewalks, many NLP sessions, meditation, exercise, yoga and I am in a much better place than I was 4 years ago. I am currently working my way around different meditation centres trying to find the one that is good for me. I have defo noticed a difference.

(Tip, there is a TED talk online that talks about how physiology has a massive effect on your stress and confidence hormones, standing in the Wonder Woman pose for 2 minutes a day will have a physiological change on your confidence. One of my Warrior Women has been trying it and she is blown away and slightly terrified at how effective it has been. Feet shoulder width apart, hands on hips (like wonder woman) and breathe for 2 minutes) I need to add this in to my life.

I have started to take more chances, I am engaging with more people, putting myself in to (safe) situations that I would normally shy away from, I am open to more ideas and trying new things. As of 17th Jan 2015 when I am writing this, I am on 10 day of 1 new thing each day and I am LOVING it. Don’t get me wrong some of these things are pretty small – driving my new car in the snow, telling my mum I was getting a new tattoo before I actually got it (that was quite big actually) to big things like going along to a singles social event all by myself.

I have stopped worrying about what people think as much as I used to. I do remember the first time I went to the cinema by myself, I was worried about what other people would think. The worst thing about it was wanting to make a comment about something in the film and realising there was no one to actually say it to. I now prefer to go alone so I don’t talk.

Even if someone was being critical or judging you… Does it really matter? It’s one person’s opinion.

How would things change for you if you didn’t even consider what other people were thinking about? How free would you feel now worrying about what other people think? How much more would you do and say? I do sometimes say something then think after, ‘really, did I just say that?’

What would it take for you to stop considering what other people might be thinking and just go ahead and do what you want?

Give it a go, just even for a couple of hours, you never know, you might like it.

Solo dates and fun stuff

For quite a while now on Sundays I have been trying to do different things with my day. I am expanding my culture and experiences to develop me as a person.

I have been to the Art Galleries, the Transport Museum, Gallery of Modern Art, walked up Conic Hill, been climbing, to movies at the GFT…

Some of them I have done with friends, some on my own.

How often do you do things outside of your normal routine?

Do you ever go off and do stuff on your own? Taking time out by yourself.

I love spending time alone. Pottering, writing, reading, people watching, thinking about things, thinking about nothing.

I totally believe that you NEED to be comfortable doing things on your own.

It’s even more than comfortable, but happy & content. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than liking your own company.

People have more respect for you when they see that you are independent, weirdly it makes people want to hang out with you more.

Why do people want to hang out with you more? Because you display good, strong values and they see that they can learn from you.

If you are someone who isn’t comfortable on their own, like as soon as you are left alone the first thing you do is grab your phone and start texting, checking Facebook/ twitter or reading your emails.

Learn to not do that.

Your challenge for this week, if its something you are not good at.

Be alone, no phone for comfort. Go somewhere, do something different.

Go to a museum, coffee shop (you can take a book to read, but don’t use social media if you have your kindle/ipad/tablet to read, it must be a book), go for a walk, go for dinner, go on a day trip (the city tour buses are always good).

Let me know what you are doing for your challenge.

Fo and push yourself to do something outside your comfort zone.

Jen x

Ready, steady, GO

Ready… Steady… GO!

How do you know when you are ready? What is it you are going to be ready for?

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” Dr House (Hugh Laurie)

Why do you need to be ready? Will you ever be ready?

Or are you using it as an excuse to stall because you are afraid?

What is it you are afraid of? The unknown? Change? Being happy? It not working out? Failing? Moving on? Life being better?

Someone once told me, that to be successful you need to be in a risk taking mind-set.

You need to be prepared to make something different to get a positive change.

How will you know if you don’t try?

If you keep doing everything the same, you are going to get the same results. Makes sense really…

But if you are not loving it, and just going through the motions of life, then you are missing out BIG time.

Taking risks is hard, and things don’t always turn out how you planned or hoped, but a change does happen. Things don’t stay the same.

If you wait till tomorrow, is that going to be better? Not really. All you have done is delay everything by 24hrs.

What if tomorrow comes and you have missed the opportunity?

If you wait till tomorrow that is 1 less day to hit your goal meaning you will have to work that bit harder to catch up.

I read a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, some of it was a bit too out there even for me, but the concept of not living in the past or living in the future but living in the present moment makes sense.

From the past we learn lessons. We learn what not to eat because it makes us feel shitty and put on weight. We learn some people are just dicks and there is nothing we can do about that but move on.

For the future all we can do is prepare for it, we take the lessons from the past, let go of the pain, take risks to make us happy now which will set us up for the future.

You have your goal – lets say its weight loss. Eating shit food and sitting on your arse thinking about it in the now is not going to prepare you for success in the future.

In the now you need to make choices, eat for your health, move more, do fun stuff so that a side effect of that will be a healthy weight and a happier life.

What do you need to do RIGHT NOW to make your life better?

Now is as good a time as any…

Ready…. Steady… GO!

Jen x

 

 

 

New Year, New You bollocks

With all the new year, new you bollocks that’s filling your timeline, its always refreshing to hear some truths.

Without a plan, you are not going to change.

Without knowing what it is you actually want and why you want it, you are not going to change.

If you made the same resolutions last year, chances are you are not going to change.

If you only set goals from 01 Jan, chances are you are not going to change.

Sorry to tell you, but these are facts. At a minimum, you should be setting and assessing your goals every month (if not every single day – yes, you read that correctly, every single day).

With that in mind I thought I would re-post a recent blog which is something that I teach my Warrior Women in the Warrior Woman Project (http://freedomintraining.co.uk/warrior-woman-project/)

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Oscar Wilde ‘success is a science, if you have the conditions you will get the results’

To be successful you need to create the right conditions to make the results happen.

In previous emails I have suggested that you set some goals.

How is that going for you?

Have you worked out your plan?

Have you figured out what and who you need to help you achieve your results?

Have you started to make the changes to get you to where you need to be?

It is up to you to set your conditions in place to allow everything to come together.

You need to put yourself in to the right mind-set. Focus on the outcome.

You pack your gym stuff, prepare your food, set the alarm early.

One part of the plan falls out of place and the rest of the plan goes out the window.

For example, my flatmate:

Packed her gym stuff, set the alarm, prepared all her food.

Alarm went off, decided she was cosy in bed, wouldn’t get up and go to work at the end of the day.

She got up later, then when getting ready for work she realised that she was getting her hair done after so she ditched her whole healthy eating plan for the day. Roll & sausage & potato scone, Victoria sponge, chocolate…

(She did tell me about this to out her in my emails, I am not being nasty)

Just because she didn’t go to the gym there was no real reason to ditch the rest of her plans for the day.

How often do you let that happen to you?

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Have a good day, and get back on the plan even if there is a side step.

Jen x

 

 

 

Love yourself… RANT

You say you want to look better so that you will feel better about yourself, so that you will feel more confident, happier.

You say you want to find love but it seems you don’t even love yourself…

How much are you prioritising yourself?

Do you eat for health?

Do you exercise or do activities that keep you healthy?

Do you have hobbies, interests that entertain you?

Are you learning new things everyday to develop yourself in to an even more amazing person?

If the honest answer to any of these questions is no (and that includes answers of hesitation, sometimes or not really) then you need to get a grip.

We comes back to that term ‘self-sabotage’.

The only person preventing you from being happy is you.

There might be people around you questioning you, doubting your abilities. My question to you would be, why they hell are they still around?

If you don’t love and respect yourself then why would anyone else? You do not need someone to ‘save’ you or entertain you.

The people around you – friends, family, partners should be there to compliment your life not complete it.

Think of people you have moved on from…

How did those relationships start out? What happened? Why did you end up moving away from it?

This is not just boyfriends / husbands / partners, this is friendships too. There was a reason they started and a reason they ended (not always a fall out, sometimes just drifting apart, moving on, a change of chapter in your life).

It’s time for to fall in love with yourself.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to be better and want better.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with…

Make that average BIG, make it AMAZING. Make it that other people want you to be part of their 5.

It’s time to stop bullshitting yourself.

It’s time to take control and make you a priority.

Write a list of the 5 things you are least happy with.

Then write a list of the 5 things you are most happy with.

Using the 5 things you are most happy with, how can you use them to your advantage to change the things you are least happy with?

Write it down.

Make a plan.

Start working on it.

I want to know how you are getting on… So, do it today and let me know.

Jen x

There were nearly tears…

My personal trainer was off on his holidays last week so I had been left homework to do… Which I did (a couple of times).

Yesterday we were testing to see how things are progressing.

Frustrated and angry are how I get when things don’t work like they should. And that is not just with the exercises that’s just overall.

I was pretty close to tears for the whole session…

It was the first time I had done weighted squats in about 7 months.

‘Hold at the bottom for a count of 3’ he said…

‘ok next one go deeper and hold’

I decked it.

My head said ‘nah this is too hard’ and everything switched off.

Get up, go again (this man has no time for my shit).

Next 4 were better. Still not great but better.

I have more homework to do.

If that had been me, in the gym on my own I would have either not squatted deep enough or chucked it after decking it.

Either way I would not get stronger, I would continue to have my reoccurring injuries.

Working on your weaknesses is HARD. I know. Admitting there are weaknesses is hard (if you are getting injuries there will come a point where you need to do something about it or give up).

I go to someone else for help with my fitness.

I go to someone else for help with my head.

I go to someone else for help with my nutrition.

Do I know how to do all of these things on my own? YES, I do and I help many people on a daily basis achieve their goals, clear their heads and get their nutrition sorted.

Why do I go to someone else?

I need that external person to hold me accountable. I need someone who is more experienced and has different knowledge from me. That is how I learn. That is how I succeed. I understand the value of what I offer.

You can read all the books and magazines, listen to podcasts, watch motivational clips on YouTube but if you don’t take action all you are doing is reading the manual.

Who holds you accountable? Who pulls you up when you are telling yourself those wee lies to make yourself feel better? (Remember yesterday’s email?)

There is no shortcut to your destination. There is no magic pill or wand that will make it all go away or be better.

The only thing that will make it happen is you.

You should have set goals by now… If not why the hell not?

Looking at your goals, what is it you will get out of achieving them? Now I am talking emotionally here. Not that you will get to fit in to that size 12 dress you bought 3 years ago promising you would get in to it back then.

How will you feel inside achieving your goal? Happy? Confident? Give you self-belief? Proud?

Once you know WHY it is you want that goal it will make it so much easier to push forward.

For me to be injury free will give me more confidence when I am working with the Master Trainers of the Indoor Cycling Group. I know my weaknesses are holding my back from being REALLY good.

What is your WHY?

Let me know.

Jen x

 

Whopper of a lie…

So, I sat down the other night, typically there was nothing on so flicked through the TiVo to see what had been recorded…

Secret Eaters… I love this show.

People who are overweight and can’t understand why have secret cameras and people spying on them to see what it is they really are eating that is stopping them lose weight.

The usual scenario is they think they are eating 1200 calories when in fact they are necking down not a kick in the arse off 3000 calories.

Quite often too many of the calories are hidden.  I saw one guy who drank 2 litres of coke a day who had swapped it for what he thought was the healthy option of fruit juice… 2 litres of that a day.

Pretty much the same sugar and calorie content in both drinks and it hadn’t even occurred to him that this was all calories.

Best one I saw was a woman who stopped off for a chippy on the way home from the supermarket to make dinner…. Eh?!

I don’t think this was the first time she had done that the way the staff in the chip shop were chatting to her and there had been no mention of it in her food diary she had submitted to the show.

Thing is, the only person she is cheating by doing that is herself.

‘If no one sees me eat it then it doesn’t count’

YES it does count. It’s a lie. A lie to yourself.

The same as, ‘it was only a wee bit of cake’ ‘I only had 3 sausage rolls when I would normally have 5’.

Excuses and lies you tell yourself to forgive yourself…

Why? So that you don’t feel bad in that moment, even though you know you are going to feel bad later and then even worse when you stand on the scales or get the measure tape out.

I ask all my clients to do me a food diary.

Do they do it? Not always. I know when they have had a bad week because they conveniently have forgotten to do it.

Those are the weeks they feel sluggish, moody, their skin has wee breakouts and they feel guilty.

When they do it though, they eat better. They eat more consciously. They feel better. They have more energy.

Plus they know that if they do have a treat or a couple of wines at the end of the week, they have had a good week as an insurance policy.

Brian (my coach I told you about yesterday) has a great point. You can’t try to do anything… You are either doing it or you are not doing it. Try to pick up a pen… you are either picking it up or you are not… there is no in between.

I did throw this back at him one day during PT when he told me he was trying to complete his 50 push ups but kept stopping… Bet he wishes I didn’t pay so much attention to him.

It’s not just about food that we lie to ourselves about. I remember when I went back to uni and stayed in most weekends to study. Reality was I spent about 2hrs of the whole weekend actually studying the rest on Facebook, Twitter, google search buying new stuff…

The biggest thing I lost out on was a social life.

Doing my postgrad I was more tactical. 2hrs offline, no mobile, study. As soon as I had done 2 hours the rest of my time was mine… Worked a treat (I know I keep bragging about it but I am still shocked… I passed with Merit).

When you are not meeting your goals you need to take a step back and look at why. If you set your goal and worked out the plan you should be on your way (that’s why reviewing at least every 4 weeks is ideal).

Where are you going wrong? What lies are you telling yourself? What help do you need to get it on track?

Tell the people around you what you are trying to achieve and ask them for help. If you tell people then you need to hold yourself accountable.

You are responsible for your own actions and your own life.

Don’t be reduced to an hour of fame by getting secret cameras to follow you around and shame you in to getting results.

What is the biggest lie you are telling yourself right now?

Tell me, I want to know & I may be able to help in future emails…

Promise I won’t name and shame you.

Jen

Out of my depth

So back in June I was in Peterborough for product training with the Indoor Cycling Group.

I was working with the Master Trainers from all across Europe, the head of training from here in the UK and the director of education from the States.

I kept pinching myself, wondering if it was a dream.

These guys are elite athletes, Olympic champions, Triathletes (and not the wee short distance ones that I have taken part in – full Olympic distance) and Ironmen competitors and some of them are seriously intelligent with PhD’s.

Then there is me… wee Jen from Glasgow that teaches indoor cycling to the best customers in Maryhill leisure centre…

In my head I am totally out my depth here… In reality, I was identified by the boss men Graham and Doyle as someone with potential to be part of this team.

Enter day one of being proud…

How often do you look at your life and wonder how the hell you got there?

Someone somewhere saw something in you and gave you a helping hand.

You believed enough in yourself to accept that help and take the step forward.

Why is it then that we suddenly stop and question our abilities?

What is it that you need to start believing in yourself again?

I want you to make a list of all your achievements in the last 12 months…

Everything.

If you read a book start to finish. Joined a club / group / course. Got a promotion in work. Changed jobs. Took the family on holiday. Paid off a credit card. Completed any task that you set out to do.

Write them all down.

What motivated you to do these tasks?

Let me know…

And how did I get on? I loved it, didn’t feel out of my depth at all, joined in conversation and discussion about stuff I learned at uni (I did actually learn stuff there) and performed well on the bike.

I have another 2 days with a different group today, this time, I am excited about it.

Jen x