Some of you might remember back at the start of the year I was on a mission to become more fulfilled with my life. I was searching for meditation, to do or try a new thing every day and to increase my social circle.
For many people you start and finish school with pretty much the same group of friends, you go to uni maybe with some of them or maybe it’s a fresh start and you make new friends. Then you get a job, there might be some friends that are still around or you change circles a bit again. Then people start to get married off, have kids, or move away… Basically your circle changes as you get older and grow up (or not).
Part of my mission at the start of the year I discovered meetup.com this is just loads of groups of people that do stuff and you can join them… Then in the summer I discovered another group that wasn’t on meetup, this was a group called Girl Crew. I found them by word of mouth, some of the girls found them through the dating app Tinder.
Basically this is a group of girls (women, whatever you want to call us) that want to get out and do stuff and make new friends. We have a facebook group specifically for Glasgow (there are loads of groups around the world, it was originally started in Dublin) where we post that we are doing something or that we want to do something and see who wants to come along.
Anyway, we had a Sunday brunch this week where 8 of us met up, had food (always a winner with me) and a chat. The conversation got round to what a great idea the group is, as we get older for some reason we find it harder to make new friends or become more self-conscious about saying to someone you might like to be friends with about going for a coffee.
Many of us had joined a gym or gone along to a class with the intention of making friends but never really had any success with it.
The hard part is doing the asking, the insecurity of getting rejected, looking like you are hitting on someone or worried that people think you have no mates… even when you do, but they are all just off doing their own thing somewhere else…
The thing is, most of us feel the same. There are not many people that I would say no to going for a coffee with. That doesn’t mean to say that everyone you ask needs to be part of your inner circle but you at least get the option to check each other out, kind of like going on a first date…
So, ways to get round this:
-join a group on meet up or girl crew and actually get along to events. If you don’t like the event or the people at the first one, try another one and keep trying them.
-be the initiator, be the one to suggest going for a coffee or invite someone along to something you are already doing.
-make sure if you are in a group that you contribute something, don’t sit there like a wall flower watching or people will forget you are there. Add some conversation, or jokes, or positive energy, whatever your thing is, add it to the group.
-this is going to be trial and error, some people you will just click with and some you won’t. Always bring your best self along, you never know who can connect you to someone else. I have been introduced to new friends via someone else that I went for coffee once because they knew that we would totally get along even though I had only spoken to the 1st person once over a year ago…
-don’t feel weird about asking people to be your friend. We live in the most disconnected connected society ever, and so many people feel the same way.
Go out, if you are looking for friends, start asking people to do things so you can connect with them. Even if you have a good group of friends, it’s always good to add new people to the mix for you and for them.