The art of research

Over the festive period I have been making more time to work on myself, one of the challenges that I was set was to write down 5 strengths and 5 weaknesses and ask a friend or 2 that would be brutally honest with me to do the same for me so that I can see if who I think I am is what other people see…

I am fully aware the vulnerability is something I am not good at and to be honest isn’t even something I really understand how to be (although this admission according to my research suggests that this is vulnerability, I just need to work on it and practice it on a much grander scale).

I have watched TED talks, listened to podcasts, read articles, blogs and books on the art of vulnerability.

Being strong, independent warrior women it can feel like a weakness to show vulnerability… What I am learning though is it’s not, it is in fact a great strength that we need to embrace.

Embrace your emotions, when you numb pain and sadness you also numb happiness and joy… it all happens in the same part of your brain and the distinction between positive and negative is only something that we are aware of in relation to the reaction we have to a situation, it can’t be specifically controlled.

Numbing the emotion doesn’t just come in the form of dinking / eating / smoking or whatever your vice is, ignoring it, putting a constant positive spin on everything (which I am 100% guilty of) instead of accepting and embracing it so you can deal with it and let it go.

I remember when my marriage first ended… I was ‘fine’, it was the ‘right thing to do for both of us’ and I was fine and it was the right thing to do, but I needed to feel sad about it, needed to grieve the loss of something so special to me.

For those of us that live in the West of Scotland part of our culture seems to be hide your emotions, just get on with it or have a drink, everything will be fine… Through conversations with people that work in the world of helping people (from personal development coaches through to addiction councillors to doctors) ignoring your emotions is not the answer, swallowing them down with drink, food, drugs (prescription or non) and just getting on with it is a huge cause for many of the problems we have in society today.

Imagine if all those people who are struggling just knew how many other people felt the same way that they do how much easier it would be to deal with life…

We would all feel so much better knowing that we were not alone in our struggles… In my research there was one particular blog post that I want to share with you it is so well written and really stood out as one that helped me understand and I think we can all take something away from it…

Have a beautiful day

Jen x

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