Love yourself… RANT

You say you want to look better so that you will feel better about yourself, so that you will feel more confident, happier.

You say you want to find love but it seems you don’t even love yourself…

How much are you prioritising yourself?

Do you eat for health?

Do you exercise or do activities that keep you healthy?

Do you have hobbies, interests that entertain you?

Are you learning new things everyday to develop yourself in to an even more amazing person?

If the honest answer to any of these questions is no (and that includes answers of hesitation, sometimes or not really) then you need to get a grip.

We comes back to that term ‘self-sabotage’.

The only person preventing you from being happy is you.

There might be people around you questioning you, doubting your abilities. My question to you would be, why they hell are they still around?

If you don’t love and respect yourself then why would anyone else? You do not need someone to ‘save’ you or entertain you.

The people around you – friends, family, partners should be there to compliment your life not complete it.

Think of people you have moved on from…

How did those relationships start out? What happened? Why did you end up moving away from it?

This is not just boyfriends / husbands / partners, this is friendships too. There was a reason they started and a reason they ended (not always a fall out, sometimes just drifting apart, moving on, a change of chapter in your life).

It’s time for to fall in love with yourself.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to be better and want better.

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with…

Make that average BIG, make it AMAZING. Make it that other people want you to be part of their 5.

It’s time to stop bullshitting yourself.

It’s time to take control and make you a priority.

Write a list of the 5 things you are least happy with.

Then write a list of the 5 things you are most happy with.

Using the 5 things you are most happy with, how can you use them to your advantage to change the things you are least happy with?

Write it down.

Make a plan.

Start working on it.

I want to know how you are getting on… So, do it today and let me know.

Jen x

There were nearly tears…

My personal trainer was off on his holidays last week so I had been left homework to do… Which I did (a couple of times).

Yesterday we were testing to see how things are progressing.

Frustrated and angry are how I get when things don’t work like they should. And that is not just with the exercises that’s just overall.

I was pretty close to tears for the whole session…

It was the first time I had done weighted squats in about 7 months.

‘Hold at the bottom for a count of 3’ he said…

‘ok next one go deeper and hold’

I decked it.

My head said ‘nah this is too hard’ and everything switched off.

Get up, go again (this man has no time for my shit).

Next 4 were better. Still not great but better.

I have more homework to do.

If that had been me, in the gym on my own I would have either not squatted deep enough or chucked it after decking it.

Either way I would not get stronger, I would continue to have my reoccurring injuries.

Working on your weaknesses is HARD. I know. Admitting there are weaknesses is hard (if you are getting injuries there will come a point where you need to do something about it or give up).

I go to someone else for help with my fitness.

I go to someone else for help with my head.

I go to someone else for help with my nutrition.

Do I know how to do all of these things on my own? YES, I do and I help many people on a daily basis achieve their goals, clear their heads and get their nutrition sorted.

Why do I go to someone else?

I need that external person to hold me accountable. I need someone who is more experienced and has different knowledge from me. That is how I learn. That is how I succeed. I understand the value of what I offer.

You can read all the books and magazines, listen to podcasts, watch motivational clips on YouTube but if you don’t take action all you are doing is reading the manual.

Who holds you accountable? Who pulls you up when you are telling yourself those wee lies to make yourself feel better? (Remember yesterday’s email?)

There is no shortcut to your destination. There is no magic pill or wand that will make it all go away or be better.

The only thing that will make it happen is you.

You should have set goals by now… If not why the hell not?

Looking at your goals, what is it you will get out of achieving them? Now I am talking emotionally here. Not that you will get to fit in to that size 12 dress you bought 3 years ago promising you would get in to it back then.

How will you feel inside achieving your goal? Happy? Confident? Give you self-belief? Proud?

Once you know WHY it is you want that goal it will make it so much easier to push forward.

For me to be injury free will give me more confidence when I am working with the Master Trainers of the Indoor Cycling Group. I know my weaknesses are holding my back from being REALLY good.

What is your WHY?

Let me know.

Jen x

 

Whopper of a lie…

So, I sat down the other night, typically there was nothing on so flicked through the TiVo to see what had been recorded…

Secret Eaters… I love this show.

People who are overweight and can’t understand why have secret cameras and people spying on them to see what it is they really are eating that is stopping them lose weight.

The usual scenario is they think they are eating 1200 calories when in fact they are necking down not a kick in the arse off 3000 calories.

Quite often too many of the calories are hidden.  I saw one guy who drank 2 litres of coke a day who had swapped it for what he thought was the healthy option of fruit juice… 2 litres of that a day.

Pretty much the same sugar and calorie content in both drinks and it hadn’t even occurred to him that this was all calories.

Best one I saw was a woman who stopped off for a chippy on the way home from the supermarket to make dinner…. Eh?!

I don’t think this was the first time she had done that the way the staff in the chip shop were chatting to her and there had been no mention of it in her food diary she had submitted to the show.

Thing is, the only person she is cheating by doing that is herself.

‘If no one sees me eat it then it doesn’t count’

YES it does count. It’s a lie. A lie to yourself.

The same as, ‘it was only a wee bit of cake’ ‘I only had 3 sausage rolls when I would normally have 5’.

Excuses and lies you tell yourself to forgive yourself…

Why? So that you don’t feel bad in that moment, even though you know you are going to feel bad later and then even worse when you stand on the scales or get the measure tape out.

I ask all my clients to do me a food diary.

Do they do it? Not always. I know when they have had a bad week because they conveniently have forgotten to do it.

Those are the weeks they feel sluggish, moody, their skin has wee breakouts and they feel guilty.

When they do it though, they eat better. They eat more consciously. They feel better. They have more energy.

Plus they know that if they do have a treat or a couple of wines at the end of the week, they have had a good week as an insurance policy.

Brian (my coach I told you about yesterday) has a great point. You can’t try to do anything… You are either doing it or you are not doing it. Try to pick up a pen… you are either picking it up or you are not… there is no in between.

I did throw this back at him one day during PT when he told me he was trying to complete his 50 push ups but kept stopping… Bet he wishes I didn’t pay so much attention to him.

It’s not just about food that we lie to ourselves about. I remember when I went back to uni and stayed in most weekends to study. Reality was I spent about 2hrs of the whole weekend actually studying the rest on Facebook, Twitter, google search buying new stuff…

The biggest thing I lost out on was a social life.

Doing my postgrad I was more tactical. 2hrs offline, no mobile, study. As soon as I had done 2 hours the rest of my time was mine… Worked a treat (I know I keep bragging about it but I am still shocked… I passed with Merit).

When you are not meeting your goals you need to take a step back and look at why. If you set your goal and worked out the plan you should be on your way (that’s why reviewing at least every 4 weeks is ideal).

Where are you going wrong? What lies are you telling yourself? What help do you need to get it on track?

Tell the people around you what you are trying to achieve and ask them for help. If you tell people then you need to hold yourself accountable.

You are responsible for your own actions and your own life.

Don’t be reduced to an hour of fame by getting secret cameras to follow you around and shame you in to getting results.

What is the biggest lie you are telling yourself right now?

Tell me, I want to know & I may be able to help in future emails…

Promise I won’t name and shame you.

Jen

Internet Dating

Internet dating…

One of my friends (not my flat mate this time, she is getting a break today) is on some online dating app…

Now, I personally have never used any online facility to meet boys. There is something that doesn’t sit right about it (for me).

The thing I don’t get, a boy sends a message, he arranges a date, he sends a message to reschedule the date (some crap about having to work late), he then postpones the date AGAIN this time without arranging something definite.

I have issues with this.

  1. He has made no verbal contact
  2. He has postponed an initial meeting more than once

My advice is to tell him to jog on… You only get to reschedule once (as long as someone has died).

Since when is it acceptable to be put off and put off?

If someone genuinely wants to meet you, they need to make an effort. Even if it is for 30mins coffee just to say hi and meet you in person. That is much better than ‘I will be in touch when I have nothing better to do with my time’

Ladies (and gents), you need to raise your standards.

Since when is it OK to accept being second best or an after-thought?

Have confidence in yourself that you are worth the effort.

When you do go on the date, don’t be nervous about what the other person thinks of you. Fuck that, you are checking out if they are good enough for you.

Things you want to check – Are you looking for something that is real life? When I say that, I mean you are not searching for a character from a book, movie or TV – they do not exist.

People have flaws and are not perfect. What you need to consider is do their imperfections make you feel like shit? If yes, move on.

This is not just about romantic encounters (I have little to no experience in this area being single for nearly 4 years, not been on a date since 2002) it’s about all your relationships, friends and family too.

Your friends, a quick call to check in on each other, swing past their house on the way home from work, let them know you care.

In business, people who put off or let you down you would stop doing business with them, you would not be a return customer.

People should feel lucky to have you as part of their life not you feel lucky to be part of theirs.

If they don’t bring anything to your life, then really what is the point?

Set your standards high, and know you are worth it. At the same time don’t use your standards as a shield to protect you from everyone. You need to learn to be vulnerable too (more on that soon).

Jen x

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Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Oscar Wilde ‘success is a science, if you have the conditions you will get the results’

To be successful you need to create the right conditions to make the results happen.

In previous emails I have suggested that you set some goals.

How is that going for you?

Have you worked out your plan?

Have you figured out what and who you need to help you achieve your results?

Have you started to make the changes to get you to where you need to be?

It is up to you to set your conditions in place to allow everything to come together.

You need to put yourself in to the right mind-set. Focus on the outcome.

You pack your gym stuff, prepare your food, set the alarm early.

One part of the plan falls out of place and the rest of the plan goes out the window.

For example, my flatmate:

Packed her gym stuff, set the alarm, prepared all her food.

Alarm went off, decided she was cosy in bed, wouldn’t get up and go to work at the end of the day.

She got up later, then when getting ready for work she realised that she was getting her hair done after so she ditched her whole healthy eating plan for the day. Roll & sausage & potato scone, Victoria sponge, chocolate…

(She did tell me about this to out her in my emails, I am not being nasty)

Just because she didn’t go to the gym there was no real reason to ditch the rest of her plans for the day.

How often do you let that happen to you?

Goal + Plan + Contingency = Success

Have a good day, and get back on the plan even if there is a side step.

Jen x