Just be yourself, worst advice ever…

How many times has someone given you the advice ‘just be yourself’ and you think yeah, no problem, WHO THE HELL AM I??? It is probably up there with the worst advice given.

What YOU need to do is identify your core values… What the hell is she on about? (I hear you, I thought the same thing first time I was introduced to it).

There is one small change that has had a massive impact on my life. Understanding my core VALUES and prioritising them.If you understand your core values it makes everything a whole lot easier to ‘just be you’.

I remember the first time I was asked about my values. I just looked blankly at my NLP coach (Brian) thinking is this another one of these questions I don’t want to answer?

No, it was something I NEEDED to know.

So what are values? They are what is at the very core of who you are, not what society thinks you should be (don’t confuse morals with values).

First thing to do is find lists of values (There are really good sources online if you search list of values) either write or print some out. Then sit for a maximum of 3 minutes (time it) and highlight the ones that jump out at you and make you think, ‘YES that is ME’. Write out a new list of just your highlighted ones and you have your list of values. You can continue on narrowing them down more to get right in to it – just depends what stage you are at in your head.

Once you have your list, read it, UNDERSTAND it, look at your life and how it fits round your values.DON’Tmake the values fit round your life. I am going to get a bit woowoo on you again, but once you start living by your values not only will you be HAPPIER but the best things will happen. Your life will be easier because YOU understand what and why you make the decisions that you make.

The highest values on my list start with respect, if I don’t have respect for myself why would anyone else? (believe me I have been down that road of self-destruct).If I don’t have respect for someone or something or they don’t have respect for me then how can I possibly have it in my life? There are certain times you have to be professional and deal with people in a civil manner, this is not about becoming an arsehole.

Trust is along the same lines of respect, they kind of go hand in hand and you can’t have one without the other. If you don’t trust someone then you can’t necessarily respect them, you might respect what they do but that does not mean they need to be part of your life. YOU need to trust yourself. Only YOU know what is right and best for you. Learn to TRUST your gut instinct (how many times in the past do you wish you had gone with the gut?!)

Connection is right up there on my list too, if you can’t connect with something or someone then how can it be part of your life? How would you be able to work with it? How can it make your life better? Again there will be times that you need to be civilised to others, but know that they don’t need to be IN your life.

Take some time, get your values written down, understand them, use a picture app to create a funky design with the words and have it as your screen saver then start living them and see how your world changes for the better.
Let me know how you get on.

Tweet me @Freedom_Trainin
Jen x

Self Sabotage

I’m not worth it…

Is that what are YOU are saying to yourself?I know that I have said it to myself, held back from success or moving on.

Why are YOU not taking better care of ourselves? Why is it when YOU reach a level of success you hit a wall and stop? Why do YOU not just keep going, get to the wall and climb over? What is it that makes you think this is it? This is the best I can have?

Tiredness and stress have a big effect on decision making. How many times do YOU make crap food choices because you can’t be bothered or you are having a shit day?

The excuse – Self-sabotage.There you go, there is a label for it so it must be ok…

I came across an interview with Bob Doyle (from the film The Secret) and The Wolff Sisters (I have had the privilege of meeting Christianne – she is just lovely. We had some special Bradley Cooper time and went to see Hangover 3, but that’s a story for another day)

Bob made an interesting point that if you BELIEVE that you self-sabotage then you will. You are putting that thought and belief in your head so therefor it will be (kind of like the law of attraction the wrong way round). He suggests that you RECOGNISE the signs then CHANGE the pattern, BREAK THE HABIT. When you find the wall climb it not hit it.

To help YOU break the pattern, you need to answer some questions (and answer them honestly, you are the only one that knows this shit):

What is the resistance?
What is it about the action that you don’t want to do?
Where is it coming from?
Why do you think this small pain can’t take you to better happiness?
If you have success what does that mean to you?

When you have a better understanding of what it is that holds you back he gives 3 simple questions; COULD I let this feeling go? WOULD I let this go? WHEN? This is called the Sedona Method.
Some of this is a bit woowoo but there is also a lot of sense in believing in YOU. Go back and look at your VALUES list. Apply them.

Live in the moment – not in the past because it’s gone or in the future, it’s still to happen.
Set yourself free, climb the wall.
Jen x
PS If you want to see that interview here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOjzTBZKL1Y&feature=share